Where do bad rainbows go?
To prism.

It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to refract.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.
The doctor says, Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?

Larry replies, God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so Hes fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When Im done, poof! The light goes off.

Wow, thats incredible, the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larrys wife.

Bonnie... he says, Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because Im in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when hes done, poof, the light goes off?

Oh for Pete's sake!" exclaims Bonnie. Hes peeing in the refrigerator again!

I just turned 40 and I groan every time I get up now
Im finally a groan man

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...
They become VERY ANGRY.

What does Lionel Ritchie wear when he's home alone?
All nylon.

My wife is divorcing me because she thinks I'm "too un-American".
I saw this coming from a kilometer away.

When I visited Nashville with my daughter, I told her, "I don't think they have pickleball here."
She pointed at a nearby court and said, "But they do have tennis. See?"

I went to the local Ice Cream Parlor and the clerk said: We have a special on sundaes!
So I said: Ok, Ill come back.

What do you call a piano made from discarded pianos?
A Frankensteinway!

I went to a wedding on Saturday, but the groom never showed.
It's hard to believe, but the wedding went off without a hitch.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

An old man goes to the doctor and says, Doc, Ive got a serious problem. I keep forgetting things!
The doctor says, How long has this been going on?

The old man pauses, looks confused, and says,

How long has what been going on?

My son asked why parents count to three
Because two is hope and three is paperwork.

Billie Joe Armstrong had a dog named Cologne
He walked Cologne, He walked Cologne!

(Courtesy my 12 year old!)

I just got put in handcuffs by some army ants
I didn't know there were war ants out for my arrest

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
I took a day off without telling anyone.

Can you take off the corset, I can't breathe!"a woman said to her husband.
Sure, if it will make you stop laughing and tell me how I look in it.he replied.

I renamed my iPhone Titanic.
It syncs now.

You know a French kiss, but what's an Australian kiss?
The same as a French kiss, but down under.

Arthur Fonzarelli knows its cool to wash your hands after using the restroom.
Thats how he avoids Hepatitis AAAY.

What's the opposite of smoothies?
Rough difficulty

My wife works at the shoe shop....
She's my soul mate.

How did the alternate universe Spider Man pass his driver's test?
By being an excellent parallel parker.

Im thinking of a city in the northeast
Does Philadelphia ring a bell to you?

Driving Jokes
Why do Men backup into Parking spots?

So they can pull out quick!