Why couldn't the jalapeno practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law.

My wife says if this post gets over 1000 likes, I can get anal.
Please like because I want this house to be spotless.

Told my wife I was going to see the doctor.
She said which doctor?

I said, no, a regular one.

I'd like to tell you a chemistry joke
But all the good ones Argon.

How does a blind man in Rome get his sight back?
He counts to 100.

That way he can C.

How many months have 28 days?
All of them.

I found the worlds best bratwurst. My sister didnt believe me.
So I sent her a link.

I keep hearing that I should try a corduroy pillow.
Theyre really making headlines, I guess.

What do you call it when 2 vegans have drama?
Lettuce

I brought edibles to my buddys dinner party
He said its a potluck!

I finally confessed to my wife my addiction to vacuuming.
Honestly, its a relief to come clean.

My doctor diagnosed me with a bladder infection.
He said: "Urine trouble!"

I just learned about something called recency bias.
It's my favorite thing ever.

What do you get when you cross a motorcycle with a joke?
A Yamahahahaha

It runs on laughing gas

I think the snowman I built is mad at me.
He has been giving me the cold shoulder all week.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat miner.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

I can always thicken soup without flour
But I will roux the day I cant.

Theres a lady in my office building who handles all the repairs. Im pretty sure she smokes weed on the roof terrace. Shes very nice though
I dont know why people complain about high maintenance women

What did the elevator say halfway though a deep conversation?
Sorry, I think we're not on the same level anymore.

Why are there no brown bears at the north pole?
They're afraid of the ICE

Do you know what the French groundhog sees?
His chateau

Two men walk into a bar. One man orders HO. The other man says: "I'll have HO, too."
The second man dies.

How many blue whales are there in the ocean?
All of them

A termite walks in a bar and asks
Is the bar tender here?