An apple pie in the U.S. Virgin Islands is $8. A cherry pie in Jamaica is $6. A peach pie in Barbados is $4.50.
Just thought youd like to know the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.
How does the daddy electron watch his baby electron?
By keeping an ion him.
My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm. He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?
" I replied, "Single-handedly."
Why is it called "the Dark Ages" ...
...and not "Knight time"?
I drew Mark Hamill on my wife's forehead.
You should've seen the Luke on her face.
What do you get when you cross broccoli and a melon?
you get the most depressing vegetable known to humanity: Melonccoli
I used to know a baker who had red hair.
He was a ginger bread man.
Whats the difference between a camera and a foot?
One has photos, the other has five toes
What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?
Tempura Pedic
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
Puts on another coat.
Waterpark addiction is no joke.
Its a very slippery slope.
One Sunday afternoon approached her priestFather, she said, I have a terrible problem. I own two female parrots and they only know how to say one thing.
The priest raised an eyebrow. And what do they say?
The woman sighed, embarrassed.
They say, Hi, were hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
The priest nearly choked. Thats outrageous! he exclaimed. But after a moment of thought, his face lit up.
Actually I may have a solution. You see, I have two male parrotsFrancis and Job. Theyre very devoted birds. They pray, read the Bible, even hold rosary beads. If we put your parrots in with mine, Im sure my boys will set a good example. With time, your parrots will learn to worship instead of well, advertise.
The womans face brightened. Oh, Father, thank you! This could really work.
The next day, she brought her parrots to the rectory. Sure enough, Francis and Job were in their cage, rosary beads clutched in their claws, eyes closed in deep prayer.
The priest smiled proudly as the woman placed her two parrots into the cage. For a moment, all was peaceful. Then, suddenly, the females squawked in unison:
Hi, were hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
The room went dead silent.
Slowly, Francis opened one eye, glanced at Job, and said:
Put the rosaries away, Frank our prayers have been answered!
Is this sub still active?
There hasn't been any posts all year.
I bought a universal remote today.
This changes everything.
I lost my watch
I lost my watch at a party, an hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
Siri just told me that I shouldn't call her Shirley.
I think I had my phone on airplane mode.
What prehistoric animal was the first to forage every morning?
The crackodon.
My grandparents got me firearms and flora for last Christmas.
I needed to be more specific when I told them I like Guns N' Roses.
I was at a PETA protest and I saw a new woman there.
I never saw herbivore
What did the doctor say to the patient who insisted on doing her own stitches?
Suture self
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender - hey.
Horse - sure
What do you call the exit interview for a retiring journalist?
De-pressing.
How do you make a pirate angry?
Remove the p
How does a penguin build it's house?
Igloos it together
How much do pirates pay for earrings?
One buck an ear.