A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: what is your blood type?
The rabbit says, I think I might be a type 0.

What is Frankenstein's favorite cheese?
Meunster

I think I remembered a really good joke to make about the Michigan/Western Michigan game.
Just give me a second.

Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the worlds largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds.

My wife said she wanted to watch a film without me.
"That's any film then," I replied, "since I'm not an actor."

What do you call the manager of a furniture store?
The chair-man!

A store in town is selling pillow covers for $50 each!!
What a sham.

What's the best kind of candy to tell a joke to?
Snickers

A man wanted to share a word at a colleague's funeral. He strode to the mic and said, "Bargain."
The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."

Which industrial site always smells the strongest?
The ol factory

What is a doctor's favorite file extension?
.doc

Do you smell that?
Person 2: What smell?

Person 1: It smells like updog

Person 2: Whats updog?

Person 1: Nothing much how bout you?

My friend sleeps on piles of old magazines.
He has back issues

I asked my friend who lives in Pyongyang what life is like in North Korea
He said I cant complain

I went to the hairdressers and said, Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?
So they gave me a cushion to sit on.

mother-in-law
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer to criticize your lighting choices instead.

There was once an emperor who never aged past 19.
His name was Constant Teen.

I met a man today who's half Chinese, and half Italian. His name is...
Lin Guini

"I was born in the 20s"
said the five year old

I introduced my 8 year old to Toby Maguire's Spider man last night. She hit me with this:
Dad, I know how Peter Parker takes the pictures of SpiderMan.

He uses his webcam!

#ProudDad

I've seen a lot of web designer puns but even searching the subreddit I didn't see any webcams in the first few pages.

The French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails
Now I have less cargo.

What kind of insurance does G.I. Joe have?
COBRAAAAA

Why don't trees like to talk?
Because they don't want to die a log.

Breaking News!
Count Chocula, the StayPuft Marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire. S'more at 11.

Some people are so judgmental ........

......... I can tell just by looking at them.