My son told me trees poop. I said no they don't.
He replied, 'Then where do number 2 pencils come from?'

What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre

I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized...
I don't even have a coconut...

I lost my virginity when I was a teenager at a weight-loss camp. She was, by far, the largest of all the other campers there. At one point she looked down at me and said I was her first crush.
and she left quite an impression on me.

Why did the ram go off the cliff?
He didn't see the ewe turn.

I broke two of my dads Queen records...
Now I want to break three.

Whats the internal temperature of a Taun Taun?
Luke warm.

When my wife is depressed I let her colour in my tattoos.
She just wants a shoulder to crayon.

I just bought a book titled 'how to stop procrastination',
I'll read it tomorrow

Star Wars fans: Where do you take a sick Taun-Taun?
To a Hoth-pital!

Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom!!!

Last night my wife said, why dont we go lie in bed and watch TV?
So i laid down in bed and said that dinner you made was delicious!

A brain and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar
The bar man said, "You're going to have to leave. You're out of your head, and you look like you want to start something"

Being born the day after April 1st and avoiding your birthday being a joke all your life is
Fortuitous

Flat earthers.
The only thing that flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself .

I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour
Not the Apple Watch she was expecting

IDK how some people have problem sleeping...
Like, its so easy that i can do it with my eyes closed.

Why are babies born on March 31 the easiest to prank on April Fools Day?
They were literally born yesterday.

Whats an astrologists favorite vegetable?
Capricorn

What is the cleanest animal in the savanna?
The hygiena (credits to my 12yo son)

And the dirtiest animal? The unhygiena (credits to my 10yo daughter)

My wife stole a key off my keyboard
She just needed space

What kind of rain is always dry?
Ter-rain.

Why was everyone tired on April 1?
Because they just finished a long 31 day March.

Why don't mountains get cold in winter?
They wear snow caps.

I have a friend whom is a tree farmer.
One day SWAT raids his place and arrests him...

Apparently he was Arboring a CONifer.