Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.
I thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

My daughter was complaining about her mint ice cream saying it tasted like tooth paste.
Me: maybe it's not mint, but disappointMINT.

My wife: maybe it's not MINT to be eaten.

Im so proud of her.

How do you know...
How do you know which potato is the slutty one?

It's stamped with 'Idaho'.

DadJokers Assemble!!
I need your help! A great DadJoker and friend will be in the hospital for a lengthy stay getting chemo, and I want to send him a Dad Joke a day. Please comment with your best hospital, chemo, cancer, doc/nurse or other related Dad Jokes. Theres 12 million of us herelets see if we can heal him with laughter (or groans?). Thanks fam!

What do you do when you see a space man?
You park, man.

I just flew home from a ravioli convention...
and Boyardee's arms tired!

What do you call a bunch of heterosexuals from a coastal town in Kent?
The Straights of Dover.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says he already did it and they all stand there clapping in the dark.

why are chickens good at business?
Because they have lots of buck buck bucks

How do you turn cake into pie?
Measure the ratio of its circumference to its diameter

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It's either her, or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.

I told a joke during my Zoom meeting this morning.
It wasn't even remotely funny.

What do you call a woman who tells dad jokes?
A faux pa

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
Doug

Where do parents send their ADHD kids for the summer?
Actually never mind probably shouldnt say it.

"Honey, your swimsuit's too small."
"Then stop wearing it!"

What do you call a non-binary dad joke?
Apparent.

Let that sink in.
Actually, why is it out there to begin with?

I tried to recruit a team for the hide and seek world cup
But good players are hard to find

Im often accused of choosing my spouse because I wanted a trophy wife.
But the truth is she chose me because she wanted a participation award husband.

When is a good time to eat apple pie?
3:14 is the pie time!

You don't have to be stylish to be a teacher,
but you do need a little class.

What kind of bees live in graveyards?
Zombees

I'm going to name my dog Beowulf.
He's a Great Dane.

If bridges could talk
it would probably be in Span-ish.