Our daughter the Xray technician married one of her patients.
We just don't know what she saw in him.
If you're being bothered by a bee...
Just look at it. Seeing is bee leaving.
My neighbor gifted me a little willow tree, hoping one day it will be pleasant to sit under. In return I gifted him a little maple tree, hoping the same for him.
It's a good practice to exchange Pleasant Trees.
What is the internal temperature of a Taun-Taun?
Luke Warm
Telling someone that you're a "dog mom"...
..implies that you're a real bitch.
A miner is driving to work and gets pulled overThe cops asks: Where are you going, whose car is this, what do you do for a living.
The miner responded: Mine.
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but what doctor avoids garlic?
Dr. Acula
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddily-squats
Working in my first originalThis one made me laugh to myself and my wife groan.
Me: do you know how to calculate where to slaughter a goat?
Wife: No?
Me: you have to use halalgebra
I've been playing a game...I've been playing a game where you have to collect parts of all of the Egyptian Gods.
I've nearly finished the whole Set!
My brother convinced me to go halves on a used funeral car...
I can't believe I was so easily co-hearsed.
While driving across the country with the family
I decided we would go a little out of our way to visit my good childhood friend Nick Miller. The kids were not happy, they wanted to get to our final destination as quickly as possible. They complained and complained and complained, but I insisted that we take the See Nick route.
My wifes brother has a shellfish allergy, and said he had it later in life because they didnt grow up as shellfish people
And I replied: true, youre all pretty generous.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A Pouch Potato
Saw a new motorcycle club that Id be perfect for. They ride Harleys and tell bad jokes.
Puns of Anarchy
I just picked up a bottle of that new Fred Flintstone aftershave. Its strong stuff, you only need to use a tiny bit.
A little dabll do...
Someone came up to me outside and said "I thought you'd be younger"
I said, "I was".
The bar for this joke isn't very high, but here goes.
A blind man walks into a bar...
Why are there poptarts but no momtarts?
The pastryarchy
If you think you can come up with a better joke about big cats than me
Youre lion.
I unfortunately had to cancel my surfing lessons
Luckily the fee was waived.
How does a hamburger introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
My doctor asked if I was ready for my prostate exam. I said, Absolutely
Ive been studying all week.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a tulip?
A Collie-flower
8 hours of sleep each night, perfect diet, exercise every day, mental health on track, zero alcohol, zero debt and extremely hydrated.
This was my peak. I was 8 years old.