What do you call a criminal landing an airplane?
Condescending.

What do you call a Sith Lord thats from the South?
Darth Yall

What should you do if youre attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler

"I'd like to buy a muffin with chocolate chips".
"Sorry, we only take cash".

I asked my wife to stop shaking the orange juice before she pours it, but she keeps doing it.
Thats so damn agitating.

I bought some coconut shampoo today
But when I got home, I realized I don't even have a coconut.

What do you call a parrot that can't fly?
A walkie-talkie

Why do French people eat snails?
Because they dont like fast food

What kind of haircut do bees get?
A buzz cut!

My mum's sister started making her own spreadsheets
She's Excel Aunt

What do you call a small green legume that rolls off your plate?
An escaPEA! (Im here all week. Please tip your server.)

Got a solid groan on this one...
My daughter wanted me to take her shopping at "The Hot Topic" at the mall. I said that store is too edgy and we should go shopping at The Warm Subject instead. Waka Waka...

Wrestling is stupid.
It's just guys without pants, fighting for a belt.

What is a word that starts and ends with the same letter, and has a little laugh in it?
You will smile when you realize that is the answer.

What do you call a squirrel that eats shapes?
A squarrel

Whats Medusas favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola

this halloween, my costume will be simply carrying a sausage in a beer mug.
i will be frank and stein.

I was once arrested for robbing a tire store
They charged me with armed rubbery

When he took the Throne, the Prince demanded that only Red and Blue be used for his Coronation
Historians would later call it the "Purple Reign"

At brunch, I ordered a fruit bowl. The server said, That comes with a biscuit, or if youd like, I can give you a little quiche.
I said, Thats fine, but I havent brushed my teeth yet.

What do you call a cows knees?
A burger joint

Someone swapped my antidepressants for Viagra
It's been a hard day to get through.

What fairground ride is made of metal?
The ferrous wheel

Monsters dont like to eat ghosts because
they taste like sheet

What do you call a harvest of dad jokes?
A corny-copia.