When two people have sex, it's a twosome. When three people have sex, it's threesome
Now I know why people call you handsome.

As a man got older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting..
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do.. the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children then replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his....

Re-seeding heirline.

Why is Dark spelled with a K and not a C?
Because you cant C in the Dark.

[true story] I said to my kid "I'm gonna be frank with you"
And he said "ok Frank"

I just bought 50 chicks from the farm
They were going cheep.

What is so fragile that the mere mention of it's name can break it?
Silence.

My wife left me because i'm insecure...
...no, wait, she came back! she just went to the store.

What kind of meat do priests eat on Fridays?
Nun.

What do you call a fly without wings ?
A walk

. Ill se myself out . Sorry

Thanos goes to his urologist
The urologist says congrats! You also have the kidney stone

5 ants rented an apartment with 5 other ants.
Now they're tenants!

Im absolutely fed up with those Russian dolls..
They really are full of themselves

My friend wanted us to dress up as weed cigarettes.
I had to be blunt with him.

What did Snow White say when her photocopier took so long?
"Someday my prints will come."

What did the internet memelord name his twin daughters?
Maya Hee and Maya Ha

I had a school test and my brother tied up all my books with a rope.
When my teacher asked me, "Can you give me any valid reasons for failing the test?" I said, "Knott to my knowledge."

My wife just broke the news.she needs more space
So I bought her a 4 Terabyte drive

I despise sneezing, I can't stand it.
I always go, "ah hate-choo!"

My kid was refusing to listen and take his nap so I called the police
Since he was clearly resisting a rest.

I have a chess set that is missing some pieces.
I think I can get the rest from a pawn shop.

Just phoned my doctors for an appointment, he said 10 tomorrow?
I said no 1 will be fine

Keeping fish inside the house is good for your mental health
Because of the indoor fins

I'm changing my name to Damimeve.
Pronounced "Dave"

The mime is silent.

How did the lobster end up in prison?
He fought the claw and the claw won.

I just crashed my new Kia
Now I have Nokia