A dragon would never explode.
But a dino might.

I can still remember what my grandfather said right before he kicked the bucket.
He said, How far do you think I can kick this bucket?

Why is cyclops in charge of the X-Men?
Because professor X made him a super visor.

My son got fed up with me saying things were wack.
So he started counting and announcing how many times I said this or that was wack. I finally sat him down and explained it was inappropriate to tally wacks.

One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field
A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. 'Look at that, 'remarked Peter to Joe, 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
Da Brie is everywhere!

Dad: Did you know your mother grew up in a coven? Daughter: No! Which one?
Dad: yes exactly

Why do ducks have tails?
To cover their butt quacks

Alternatively,

Because Sonic won't pay the ransom

Both courtesy of my 5 year old!

Please, no jokes about the passing of singer and 'Rocky Horror' actor Meat Loaf.
For a great many people that's a rather tender subject.

What do you call a rectangle that just saw an attractive woman?
Erectangle

What do the lady reindeers do on Christmas eve? [NSFW]
Head to town and blow a few bucks.

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it
He rings the police and says he thinks hes found a bomb in a sandwich.

Operator: is it tickin?

Paddy: no its Ham and Cheese

How does anyone learn origami?
Seems like everyone folds right away

How do you stop a bull from charging?
You cancel its credit card.

What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?
671 Hallmark Christmas movies.

Why did the carpenter know his wood was cut in half?
Because he saw it.

I had a goal to lose 20 pounds by the end of the year.
Only 30 pounds to go...

What do you call karate for people with one arm?
Partial arts

I was confused by when my printer started playing music
Until I realized the paper was jamming.

Im confused, how can a funeral home can raise its prices..
And blame it on the cost of living.

I got let go from my job as a waiter.
Boss said I just didnt bring enough to the table.

While checking in to our campsite the ranger asked if we had any questions. I said, Is the water here potable?
He said, Yes, take it wherever you want.

Couldn't decide where to take my car to clean it
After comparing multiple places, it ended up being a wash

What do you call a dilapitated house for horses?
The unstable.