A man walked into a bar
He put a Sony Walkman from Japan on the bar. Then he put a blaupunkt car stereo from Germany on the bar. Then he put a Bang & Olufsen hifi from Denmark on the bar. Then he put a generic branded boom box from China on the bar.
The barman said to him " Sorry, we don't allow jokes based on stereo-types from different countries in here"

What did the retired pirate say?
'I'm too old for this ship!'

What do you call someone who is 10% asian?
Slight-lee

I wanted to tell you a joke about a three legged horse.
But it is lame.

I make about 6 figures a day
But I work in a toy factory, and I fear I will not survive the performance review.

Whats the lowest car in the world?
A limbosine

I just heard a really scary joke about Math.
But I'm 2 to repeat it.

A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says, Interesting pet, whats his name.

Tiny, the guy says.

Why Tiny, the bartender asks.

Because hes my newt.

Caveman discovers weed.... Caveman discovers fire....
Stoned Age begins....

If the Easter Bunnys favorite sport is basketball, whats Jesuss favorite sport?
Lacrosse

My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.
I think it is pretty cool of her to give me permission.

My wife says Im getting fat, but in my defense..
Ive had a lot on my plate lately.

Business people shouldn't wear glasses
It shows a lack of faith in their vision

Eggs.
What kind of car does an egg drive?

A yolkswagen.

Why was the mermaid wearing seashells?
The B shells were too small.

Who wouldnt you invite to a function?
Your math teacher

Do you have any suggestions where I could apply for a job?
How about the local Search & Rescue team? They're always looking for someone.

I told my son I named my backups final_final_v2 ...
He said, so theyre not real backups?

I said, no, theyre just emotional support files. :')

Chlorine goes for a sleepover at Neons house.
In the morning, Neon offers them breakfast - cereal, in a mug. Chlorine asks why its in a mug, and Neon replies:

Im a no-bowl gas, duh.

Does anyone know if Hawaii allows for very loud laughing...
...or is it just a low ha?

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic but then I remembered that...
...its always going to be okay!

People often ask if my brother is lazy.
I tell them no, hes just permanently in "energy-saving mode."

Hes basically a human laptop with a broken charger.

Here's my best impression of a seal.
BABEH, I COMPARE YA TO A KISS FROM A ROSE ON THA GREY!!

Who is in charge of vending and cafeterias for the Rebel Alliance?
Admiral Snackbar