Dad jokesIm a gay dad and uncle. My partner came with a kid and nieces/nephews. Tonight my niece (4) told me after dinner that All my Barbies died.
Without missing a beat I asked her Should we notify her Next of Ken and I actually made myself laugh, then told everyone that would listen in the house, including her in order brother (12), and then the internet.
Its not an original joke, but by God was I proud of such a milestone. Time to strap on the New Balances and start mowing.
What was Hitlers favorite video game?
Mein Kraft
1.7% of Americans over the age of 30 are married to their 3rd cousin.
Not sure why they didn't figure it out after they married their first two cousins.
My ex-wife once shouted at me, "You're boring! You're really boring!"
So I put the drill down and said, "I know that!".
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Why is 69 afraid of 70?
Because 69 fought 70 and 71.
Why are trains in Western movies so shy?
They have no self-esteem.
Why is 69 afraid of 70?
Because 70 is rumored to be a cannibal but no one can prove who 78.
Don't go to Starbucks sick
Or you'll get a cough fee
What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny farts!
Why did the astronauts re-enter the atmosphere?
because they're very "down to earth" people.
My mum says I was named after my great-grandfather
makes sense to me, he was born before me.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
It takes guts
To be an organ donor
When 50 cent was hungry,
58.
Earth is pretty dull now
It used to be cooler
Madiq is Arabic for Strait, so Iran is saying:
You dont touch Madiq without my permission
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves you and never comes back.
I have to cut my fingernails
They are getting a little too far out of hand.
Why are Sikhs such bad sports fans?
They only Singh when theyre winning.
Where did the 8 go when it fell over?
To and beyond!
I could talk to you for days about how I treat rashes.
And that's just scratching the surface
A woman asked me if having kids over 40 was okay...
I said NO! 40 is enough!
I bought some shoes from a local drug dealer this morning
I dont know what they were laced with but Ive been tripping all day.
Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?
No Son, have you seen my dad glasses?