To all the Dad's out there...
Happy Father's Day motherfuckers!

I rented a limo for $500 and just found out it doesnt cover the cost of a driver
I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it

We were at a campsite in a national forest when a Ford pickup with "National Park Service" drove by. My wife said "that must be the park ranger."
I said nope, too big. Thats the park F-150.

I asked a German girl for her phone number.
I'm still waiting for the rest of it, as she's only given me the first number. "Nein".

Life is a lot like flying a helicopter
I don't know how to fly a helicopter

The cashiers around here are always..
Checking me out

Electricians have to strip to make
Ends meet

What was the baby computers first word?
Data.

(Figured this was a good one for Fathers Day)

I immediately woke up my puppy when he started mumbling in his dream about the earth being flat.
I dont let sleeping dogs lie.

To everyone who wished a Happy Fathers Day to the Best Dad Ever.
Im flattered, but dont forget to wish your own fathers and husbands Happy Fathers Day as well.

Him: Oh no! Our neighbor died! Her: Who? Ray?
Look, I wasnt his biggest fan either, but I dont think celebrating is appropriate.

Just once I'd like someone to call me Sir without the added
"You're causing a scene. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

My boss asked me: why I am sick on week days only?
I said it must be my weekend immune system

What is the fastest male fruit?
Mango

Airplane.
I cant figure out why my paper airplane wont take off

I guess its just stationery.

What do you call a cat that has given up over and over again?
A quitten!

I learned today that fathers are like a subtraction problem.
They make a difference.

To who ever stole my anti-depressants.
I hope you are happy now

Whats Peter Pans favorite restaurant?
Wendys

This dadjoke subreddit is really important
My humor goes father here

Ps. Happy Fathers Day!

I went into the workshop to get my stepladder and started to cry.
I never knew my REAL ladder (sob).

happy father's day!
one of my friends told me years ago that his daughter came up to him and said, DADDY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

​

he said thank you and she should let her mommy know that too. so she went to her mommy and said, MOMMY! I LOVE DADDY SO MUCH!

​

happy father's day, all!

​

​

I used to look up to my dad
But then I got taller!

I poured ketchup in my eyes
With the benefit of Heinz-sight, I shouldn't have.