Why couldn't the Mexican archer hunt? He didn;t habanero.
I've just received the news I'm a kleptomaniac
To be fair I took it rather easily
My girlfriend said shes missing her periods
I said: no wonder you always text me in run on sentences.
My doctor told me Im going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear...
Wifey.
I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.
So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.
Did you know that Mjolnir has a different name when Thor throws it?
Then it becomes Mjolfar.
I finally got with a girl last nightNow all my posts to
r/jokes show up here, something wrong with reddit?
My jet-setting buddy bought me a ticket to Paris to be best man in his wedding. Afterwards, we all raised our champagne flutes. "To the bride and groom," I said. "Eggs, cinnamon bread, and maple syrup."
It was a French toast.
When you are with Spanish speaking friends, make sure you say "mucho" often
It means a lot to them.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom...... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
During the modern royalty course, the history teacher asked the class, Who can name three kings from the 20th century?
A student proudly raised their hand and said, Easy, Charles, Elvis, and Martin Luther.
I have a Polish guy in my band
and a Czech one too.
My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.
So he handed me another one.
Did you hear about the model railway enthusiast couple?
They recently got N-gauged!
Our server at brunch asked if we had any questions. I said, Yeah, hows the French quiche?
He said, Traditionally with eyes closed and a lot of tongue.
My son called home and I asked how things were going. He said, Please dont be upset, but theyre making me take another drug test.
Four years of pharmacy school. Four years of the same damn joke.
What do you call a kingdom of criminals?
A Condom
What would you call an astrologer's Hallowe'en prediction?
A horrorscope.
Do you know why the world never ends?
Because its round
I opened the only mine in a small city that supplies it with the softest mineral on earth.
Its the talc of the town!
So, ...what do you get when you cross a dad joke with a rhetorical question?
A punitive inquiry possibly.
My kid asked me what it feels like to be an adult...
I turned off the light in his room, handed him a sponge, and told him the kitchen needs his attention.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite car brand?
HYUN-DAAIII!
After all these years, I just discovered that my neighbour is a crab!
I must be living under a rock
Oldie but a goodie - What is the Dalai Lamas go to when ordering a hot dog?
Make me one with everything.