I wanted to share a joke that's slightly NSFW with you all, but knowing how people in this sub are. It'll just be removed.
[Removed]

My wife gave me a handjob the other day using vaseline
I came three times trying to wash that shit off

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.
They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.

They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, "We're just not gonna settle this. We don't see eye to eye. You're too old and out of touch and I'm too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion."

The boomer says, "that's a great idea!" And yells, "HEY BARTENDER, C'MERE!"

My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards
I said Y NOT

Me: I need a battery so I can tell the time
Cashier: Is it for a clock?

Me: I dont know. Thats why I need a battery

Did you hear about the new movie called Constipation?
It hasn't come out yet.

Why couldnt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack

What do you get if you plant a chicken egg?
A poul-tree.

What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between boobs, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A seatbelt

just watched a programme about beavers, and you know what
it was the best dam programme Ive ever seen.

Whats the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snow balls

Why should you wear glasses to math class?
Because they help with division.

I saw an ad for a radio that said: Radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.
I just knew I couldn't turn that down.

I tried to buy my way into Olympic Gold
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you medaling kids!

A truckload of glue crashed on the highway.
Traffic was stuck for hours.

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them
One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other one couldn't quite reach.

Two redneck bear hunters are driving along to hunt one down and
They come to a fork in the road and the sign said Bear left, so they drove home.

If a dwarf tells you a story from their childhood, do they start it with
When I was little......

Never trust guitars
they're all strung out

A physician, attorney, and a statistician go hunting..
They come across a deer. The physician takes a shot and misses 6 inches to the left. The attorney shoots and misses 6 inches to the right. The statistician yells we got em!

What candy do happy cowboys eat?
Jolly Ranchers

Whats Michael Jacksons favorite book genre?
Thriller.

My uncle told me that women with small breasts arent good singers.
Theyre always flat.

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in roman numerals?
I M LIVID