I just asked my 9 year old son what he learned in school todayHe said apparently not enough because I have to go back tomorrow.
Im so very proud of him
Funny how posts are still tagged NSFW
As if any of us still have jobs
Why do sperm cells like commas and apostrophes?
They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
My son asked me what "gay" meansI said "it means happy"
He replied "Dad are you gay?"
I laughed and said "No son, I have a wife"
Apparently the new Pope's first question was: "Where do I get to live?"
They told him, "Rome, if you want to."
The new Pope is from Chicago. I hope hes a Cubs fan.Though I fear his allegiance lies with the Cardinals.
(100% stole my brothers joke)
Im not using Amazon anymore! I ordered grain for my chickens.
But after I got it, they sent an email asking for my feedback.
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.
The Security Guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.
Im not using Amazon anymore.
I ordered some grain for my chickens. But after I got it, they sent an email asking for my feedback.
Pope Leo XIV
Pope Leo XIV earned a BS in mathematics from Villanova University before becoming a priest. One could say he doesn't just understand sin, he also knows cos and tan.
What is Hannibal Lecters favorite movie?
Gladiator
I was watching an Australian food show on tv when the contestants were baking meringue and the audience started cheering....
Which was unusual as they usually boo meringue.
What do you call a Werewolf with a YouTube account.
Lycan Subscribe!
I slept like a baby last night
I was crying all night and I shit myself twice
Why did Karen press Ctrl + Alt + Delete?
She wanted to see the task manager
I went into a hardware store to buy some extra long nails.the assistant said how long do you want them?
I said that I was hoping to keep them
The new pope has a degree in mathematics.
He doesn't just understand sin. He also understands cos.
I had a Mexican standoff with my boss the other day
Or as he called it, a Juan on Juan.
Scientists have managed to make two helium atoms laugh
HeHe
Happy Motorhead Day!It's the Eighth of May The Eighth of May
Don't forget the joker
apparently there's a widespread disease that makes people accidentally mention musical instruments
it's very contagious right now accordion to a new study by the CDC
When were on vacation, Ill stop at random hotel doors and say stuff like, Youre strong. Youre solid. And most importantly, you give every guest the perfect preview of whos knocking. My wifes like, Ugh! Why the hell do you always do this??
I remind her, Babeyou know Im a peephole pleaser.
Last week I was bored, so I decided to swap some labels in my wifes spice rack.
So far she hasnt noticed but mark my words, her thyme is cumin.
Is anyone else concerned that this new pope is a cubs fan?
I mean, how can we trust a guy who hates the cardinals?
In all my travels to Asia, it's hard to say who was the friendliest
After much deliberation I'd say it was a Thai