Dad-Knock knock. Son-Who's there? Dad-Hike. Son- Hike who?
Unsuspecting son

Dad waiting with bated breath

Sets the perfect trap

Burger backwards
is Scooby Doo offering to give you a leg massage

At dinner, my frustrated date said, so napping and sitting around are seriously your only hobbies?? You told me that you were interesting!
No, no, I corrected, I said that I was into resting.

"Comfortable?" Asked the waiter
"No sir, I come for food."

Why is this time of year Arnold Schwarzeneggers favourite?
Because he has to love Easter, baby.

Why dont skeletons fight each other?
Because they don't have the guts to do so

I told my suitcase there will be no vacations this year
Now Im dealing with emotional baggage.

Everyone talks about Karl Marx but what about...
Everyone talks about Karl Marx but what about his sister Anya, the inventor of the startup pistol

Everyone told me I needed a duel income in this economy.
Now Im in jail for slapping people with my gloves.

Did you hear about the depressed fisherman?
He just felt like he had no porpoise.

What do diss rappers and wasted white girls have in common?
They both should have stopped two bars ago.

Whats faster than an escalator?
An escasooner

I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me...
How do you know it was on its way to work?

What do you call a happy cowboy?
A jolly rancher .

Once you've been stung eight times, the next one can cause you to develop a tumor.
Thankfully, it's probably bee nine.

Why can chickens only make one sound
they can't think outside the bawks

Weirdest thing about the zombie outbreak in Egypt was that the birth rates actually went *up*
Must have been all the pharaoh moans in the air

Polling best drink
Coffee was just voted the best drink in the nation.

It was an unfair vote, there were absent tea ballots

Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?
Authorities just found Himalayan there.

What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.

What do you call a cold penguin?
A brrrrd!

A Lion would never drink and drive an SUV
But a Tiger wood

Did you hear about the evil tuna?
It was rotten to the albacore.

Archaeologists say that all the houses in Pompeii had the same design flaw.
The flaw is lava.

Dad jokes are the best, and heres why...
Why