I just got my covid test back.
It was 50. I also got my IQ test back, it was positive.

Why do horses never seem stressed?
They have a stable life.

One for my son this morning. You know goalkeepers wear gloves on their hands? Yeh, sure! Do you know why? Errr, no?
Because if they put them on their feet their boots wouldnt fit

Star Trek
My son asked me who was the best Captain on Star Trek, so I Said Captain Slog, he replied that he had never heard of him, then I informed my son that Captain Slog is in every episode as the programme starts they say Captain Slog star date ****

I dont understand how people have a hard time sleeping
I can do it with my eyes closed

Math teacher says: "50 percent of the class have failed the recent test"
Pupil/student from back row replies: "We're not even that many here in class!"

What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency?
It Hertz.

Did you hear about the Civil War amongst the light bulbs?
I'm not even sure watt started it.

Whats the only product you should buy if the reviews say it sucks?
A vacuum!

My dad doesn't want me to make breakfast anymore. He said i burn the toast.
I'm worried he might be black-toast-intolerant

Did you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you, and realize how lucky you are? ...
I just did and apparently I won't be able to fly on this airline anymore.

I can't believe I got fired from the clock factory.
I put in so many extra hours.

7 days without puns
Makes one weak.

You'll never get away with robbing that adhesive factory.
They have everything on tape.

What kind of doctor was Dr Pepper?
He was a Fizzician.

Doctor, when I fart it makes a sound like Honda!
Oh, you probably have an abscess.

How can you tell?

Havent you heard the phrase? Abscess makes the fart go Honda.

Whats blue and not very heavy?
Light blue

Eating too much cake is the sin of Gluttony
But eating too much pie is ok because the sin of pi is always zero

A fight broke out at the trampoline park
Youd think theyd have a bouncer

I ate a clock once...
it was time consuming

What did the cold and angry man have for dinner?
A BrrrrGrrrrr.

I love putting on fresh underwear straight out of the dryer.
​

Plus it's fun looking around the laundromat, trying to guess who they belong to.

My mom once told me that "One man's trash is another man's treasure".
Then she told me I was adopted.

My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?
To cover its butt quack.

My Korean friend died yesterday....
So Yung...