Very proud of my son for this oneAfter I commented on how big he's getting, he replied
'maybe it's because you've been taking me to the growcery store'
He's 8
The Nurse's Dreaded Words:
After a prostate exam, the doctor leaves and a nurse enters with a worried look. She whispers the words no man wants to hear: "Who the hell was that guy?".
Ive been trying to come up with some good airplane jokes.
I cant get any of them to land correctly.
Diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
...because they lactose.
The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped
The Police have no lead.
Donating your body to science...
... it's a dead giveaway.
What's the most sacrilegious bone?
The blas-femur!
Did you know older vehicles with vent windows was called camaro air conditioning?
You open the window and in come air o
I remember when everyone looked at me because I was half human and half horse
I was the centaur of attention
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
They lactose.
Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game...Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game of hide and seek.
Pascal and Newton are the first to hide while Einstein starts counting. While Einstein is counting, Pascal runs away to find the most obscure hiding spot he can. Newton pulls out a piece of chalk and draws a square with sides 1m long on the ground right in front of Einstein. When he's finished, he stands right in the middle of it and waits.
Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes and sees Newton right in front of him. "Ah ha! I found Newton."
Newton replies "No, you found 1 Newton in 1 square metre. You actually found 1 Pascal."
My doctor told me its normal to get aroused and even ejaculate during a prostate exam
Still, I wish he hadnt
What did the parallelogram say when he got on public transit
oh no I got on the rhombus!
I accidentally took my cats meds last night.
Dont ask meow.
Wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Husband: Can we change the subject?
Wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you".
My friend, Bill, and his son, Robby, were out for a walk in the woods when suddenly they were overtaken by the unmistakable smell of ham. They looked around and happened upon a very odd looking tree.
My friend, Bill, and his son, Robby, were out for a walk in the woods when suddenly they were overtaken by the unmistakable smell of ham. They looked around and happened upon a very odd looking tree. Bill put his nose against it and took a deep, full-chested whiff. WOW! For a moment, Bill's eyes glazed over, but in the next instant he was cured. This thing was more than meats the eye. Robby said to his father, "Dad, what kind of strange and mystical tree could this possibly be?" Bill replied, "Son, that right there is what we call a porky pine."
Where did Phil Collins record all of his greatest albums?
In the Stu Stu Studio.
A termite walks into a pub
and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Difference between a bad hunter and a constipated owl ?A bad hunter can shoot but can't hit
A constipated owl can hoot but can't.....
What kind if key opens a bakery?
A Cook-Key!
At first, it was cute when my daughter started dressing like a dolphin.
But now, her act is wearing fin.
Heading to the horse track to put all my money on Broken Drum.
I don't think he can be beat.
How can you tell how old an Alaskan sailor is?
By his anchorage.
They finally figured out what went wrong at Jurassic Park.
They had a reptile dysfunction