A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. > The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.

They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, "we're just not gonna settle this. We don't see eye to eye. You're too old and out of touch and I'm too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion."

The boomer says, "that's a great idea!" And yells, "HEY BARTENDER, C'MERE!"

A world-renowned heart surgeon was waiting for his car to be fixed. The mechanic, a bit of a jokester, called him over.
"Hey, Doc, I want to show you something," the mechanic said, pointing to the engine. "I take these valves out, grind 'em down, and put 'em back in so the engine runs like new. You basically do the same thing for people, right?"

The surgeon nodded. "In a way, yes."

The mechanic grinned. "So, how come I make fifty bucks an hour and you make half a million a year when were doing the exact same work?"

The surgeon smiled, leaned in, and whispered, "Try doing it while the engine is still running."

Finally got a good one
I went to the doctor yesterday, and she wanted me to get some bloodwork done. While the phlebotomist was readying the vials, she asked me, are you able to give a urine sample?

I responded, urine luck!

Apparently she never heard that before.

I was once dating a girl who worked for Organ Donors but dumped her.
She only wanted me for my body.

Why are skeletons always so calm?
Because nothing can get under their skin.

What's the difference between paradise and heaven?
You can't play Monopoly with a heaven

When my wife was pregnant, I gave her a list of tasks for the day. I dont know why she was so angry about it.
I thought shed like agenda reveal.

I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year.
Now Im dealing with emotional baggage.

Got a bunch of free tools from my neighbor. I think he's giving up on gardening.
He threw in the trowel.

I grilled a chicken for two hours
Still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

But If I keep at it she will crack like an egg

What do you call a Viking who lost his boat?
A Hiking.

What do you call Donna when she gets angry?
Madonna

Someone broke in and stole all my antidepressants last night
I hope he's happy..

Pretty happy with a visual gag dad joke.
No screenshots allowed, so I will describe my text chain.

Are you free at 1:00?

I am

No 1 pm

Neighbors always asked how my dad could afford such beautiful gardens.
He had excellent hedge funds

Where can you find gas for only $1.99?
Taco Bell

For my birthday my dad bought me a faulty calculator. It was rubbish! I couldn't even get the number 8 to appear...
... I tried four times too!

You should be worried if cows are smoking marijuana
That's when the steaks are highest...

Me: holding my new son..were naming him Chip
Dr: cute name, whats it short for?

Me: hes only a baby

What word can you make shorter by adding two letters?
Short

Did you hear about North Korea's new metric unit for measuring water?
The Supreme Litre

Why shouldn't you kick a volcano?
You might Krakatoa

Why dont scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything

Long ago, before there were crowbars
Crows had to drink at home

Why did Mickey go to outer space?
He was looking for Pluto