What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

My frustrated wife said the store was completely sold out of tampons. So I went to the back, spoke with the staff, and came out with a new box. She said, How in the world did you manage to get those?
I pulled a few strings.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

I fell in love with my power saw
But it wasnt reciprocating

What's a lion's favourite way to cook?
Trick question, they eat everything roar.

I couldn't stay awake in shop class -- the teacher made me memorize a bunch of useless information on power tools.
Until he kept drilling it into my head!

My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married.
Thats a lot of near Mrs.

Im trying to think of an underwear joke
. but I dont have any clean ones.

Why did the chicken movie do well at the box office?
Because it was based on an egg-sisting IP

What do you call a person with hemorrhoids?
A pain in the a$$

Today I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM..
It looked like he was checking his balance.

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle
It really is

Hey Siri, why am I so bad with women?
"I'm Alexa you idiot."

Why dont bears wear shoes?
Because they prefer bear feet!

I got a job in a thermometer factory
Unfortunately, it's just temp work

I went to my friend's funeral
I asked his wife if I could say a word. She said sure.

I said "earth"

she said "that means the world to me"

I was so broke one time I actually pick pocketed a midget. . .
Who knew I could stoop so low. . .

Why did the crab never share?
Because he was a little shellfish!

What does a pickle do when it wins Olympic gold?
It relishes it.

How do you get down from a moose?
You dont. You get down from a goose.

Did you know that seaweed doesn't have male and female genders, like most other plants?
They're a part of the algaeBTQ.

What's the most modern water?
A Current (crafted by my 10 year old)

What do you call an Old Snowman ?
Water

I will probably catch some flak for saying this, but I don't think women should be working.
Shouldn't they be worqueen?