What is the difference between grey and gray?
Gray is a colour, while grey is a color.
My wife asked me, Did you eat the last piece of cake in the refrigerator? I said, No, I ate it in the living room.
And, thats how the fight started!
I nearly lost my job as a roofer after being caught masturbating on the first day.
Luckily the boss said I could wipe the slate clean.
How does a cannibal get rid of bad breath?
He chews on some Men toes
What do you call a man without a body or a nose?
Nobody nose
What do you call it when you pass gas and it is a masterpiece?
A work of fart!
I date only women who are from the 500s to the 1500s AD.
This is because I'm into middle-aged women.
My wife and I were desperately trying to figure out dinner when she sighed, Its impossible to make ends meet in this economy. Groceries cost a fortune, and we can barely keep food in the house anymore. I dug around the freezer and found nothing but an old bag of herbs from our garden.
As she started to tear up, I put my hand on her shoulder, held out the bag, and said, Babe these are hard thymes.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
And I dont know Y.
Did you hear the joke about dj vu?
Did you hear the joke about dj vu?
The longer you dont pee
The longer you pee
Bono and Edge walk into the bar and the barman says,
"Oh No, not U2 again.
Which tube station doesnt exist?Nothing Hill Gate.
(By my 7yo)
Why were lumberjacks revered historically?
Because the past is pro log
A man looks out at the field and watches the cows grazeSomebody asks him:
what are you doing? he responds:
Someone told me that I should watch what I eat.
Someone stole my metronome.
They'll pay for it in good time.
I can't date anyone with missing feet..
I'm lack-toes intolerant.
My grandpa beat my grandma to death...
Sorry, meant to say my grandpa passed before my grandma
She accused me of cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding. I don't think she'll ever play scrabble with me again.
Moonshine.
My Grandpa was arrested for making moonshine. Apparently its a whiskey business.
What do you think of the latest scandal about Nvidia CEO having an affair with a Chinese spy?
Let the chips fall where they may.
Do you know why there are pop tarts but not mom tarts?
It's because of the pastryarchy.
I told my girlfriend I spent $100 on a new belt
She said thats a big waist
Why is 3 afraid of being square?
Because 7 will have him for dinner.
Got pulled over by the policeI was late for work and I got pulled over for speeding
the cop asks if I've got a police record
"yeah I've got Walking on the Moon!?"