How does a bald man run his fingers through his hair?
He cuts holes in his pockets.

What is it called when a banana eats another banana?
Cannibananabalism.

Did you ever hear about the guy that only sings when the cars in reverse?
Turns out hes a backup singer.

When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.
Turns out that is 9:30 pm.

Astronaut
What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park your car in it man.

A very old joke my dad (RIP) told me about 50 years ago
What did the driver say to the hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and only 1 leg?

"Aye, aye, aye, you look 'armless - - 'op in!"

Karma.
Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve.

April showers bring May Flowers but what do May flowers bring.,,
Pilgrims!

Why did the French chef put on sweatpants
He wanted to get confit

If anybody wants to know why Gen X is always mad..
It's because we had to replace our record collections with a tape collection, that we had to replace with a CD collection, that we had to replace with an MP3 collection, and now we need a subscription to listen to music.

My friend asked me what's up
I told him it was a Pixar movie about an old man, a kid and a house that flies using balloons.

I visited Mecca, Medina & Riyadh, guess what I saw?
I Saudi Arabia.

I went to school with a girl named Non-stick Cooking Spray.
We tried calling her Pam, but it didn't stick.

Yall heard about the reverse exorcism the other day?
the devil was tryna pull the priest out of a little boy

What do you call a German who hates saying hello?
Guten intolerant

Ive been stuck in Rome for the past 3 weeks
All their roads have this weird design flaw

Why are space movies so long?
Because they are spaced out.

Physics
What award did the theoretical physicist receive for putting Pavlovs dog into Schrdingers box?

A No Bell Prize.

Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is said to be recovering well from his death last Thursday.

Remember the kool-aid man from the 90s?
He played baseball.

He was the pitcher.

If you think gas prices are high you should see chimneys...
...theyre through the roof!!

My Gran was 80% Irish
her name was Iris

How many Latinos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

Did you know, Killer Whales are really good at making Music together.
They're called an Orcastra.

When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway!