What kind of jeans does a ghost hunter wear ?
Just a paranormal jean

Why did the cow want a divorce from the bull?
She didnt feel herd in the relationship

Did you hear about the guy who cut off the left side of his body?
He's all right now.

Why don't Astronaunts listen to gangster rap?
Because there's zero gees in space.

(Made it up a few years back).

What do you call a Mexican man that has lost all his protein powder?
No whey Jos

What do you call a bra that you cant take off?
A booby trap.

Why does Winnie the Pooh carry an EpiPen?
because he is always breaking into hives.

My doctor prescribed me some anti gloating cream.
I can't wait to rub it in!

Do you know what a Zebra is?
Its twenty six sizes larger than an A bra.

What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing, he was gladiator.

I tried chicken farming once, but i was a complete failure...
Not sure if I buried them too deep, or too far apart.

I dropped a hamburger on the floor.
No big deal, its just ground beef.

Why is the gingerbread man the head of the gingerbread house?
The pastryarchy

Why didnt Elsa go to the doctor when she was sick?
The cold never bothered her anyway.

What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans

Paddy says to Mick, "I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies, "I don't know, give it here." He tries it and says, "Yes it is."

Paddy asks, "How do you know?"

Mick replies, "That's my handwriting."

Whats the difference between toilet paper and toast?
Toast is brown on both sides

How do you spot a cheetah?
No need, they're already spotted.

I bought a new pony and named him Mayo
He's quiet, but sometimes Mayo Neighs

why dont scientists trust atoms?
because they make up everything

Why are archeologists so annoying
they always have a bone to pick

How do you make 7 even?
Take away the s.

Why did the Egyptian sun god order fries with gravy in Russia?
Because he wanted Ras Poutine

Went into a restaurant the other day...
...And the waiter asked for my drinks order.

"Water, please", I asked.

"Still?" He replied.

The cheek of the man! To ask if I'd changed my mind a mere second after I'd asked for my drink?

Suffice to say I didn't leave a tip.

Historians have made a recent discovery about an ancient Scandinavian monster. A mis-translation has led us to believe that this monster was a giant squid-like being. In reality, it was a chicken who was addicted to methamphetamine
Release the Crack hen!