There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

What do you call a detective who accidentally solves all his cases?
Sheer Luck Holmes.

I made six figures last year. Then I got fired from the toy factory
Apparently I wasnt making them fast enough.

TIFU by accidentally not boarding the right sea vessel in the Navy
Shit, wrong sub

A doctor told me that my days are numbered.
I said, of course they are. Thats how calendars work.

To the guy who stole my anti-depressants
I hope youre happy now.

I stupidly hired a rabbi connected with the mafia to do my sons circumcision.
After getting threatened, I told my wife we better pay up or well have mohel to pay.

I've just released my own fragrance.
Nobody in the car seemed to like it.

Have you heard about Christopher Nolans new movie?
They say you oughta see it

You occupy space and have mass
You matter.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.

(My 19 yo daughter just made this up and Im so proud!) How can you tell if you are having dinner with a termite?
They order the house salad

My daughter was doing history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo
I said he was just a poor boy from a poor family.

Did you hear about the pilot from Helsinki who's also a magician?
After walking up the steps onto the airplane, he vanished into FinnAir!

I went on a date the other day with a woman who works at the zoo and I tell you....
....she's a keeper

I'd stick around, but I have to go eat my chips and salsa.
Sorry, but I gotta dip.

Captain punched his copilot in the face when asked if they are taking off
For once he chose the fight response

Why couldn't the rapper focus during the rap battle?
Because he was easily diss-track-ted.

It's our annual general meeting at the Constipation Club tonight.
Sadly, I can't go.

Did you hear about the guy who made a social blunder while pretending to be someone's father?
He made a real faux pas.

When I asked my friend, who works in IT, How do you make a motherboard?, he explained...
I usually tell her about my job.

Where did Benedict Arnold shop for his groceries?
Traitor Joes.

While I love climbing buildings, I didnt dare climb the replica after reading the sign in front of it.
It said very clearly not to scale.

I failed diversity training
They fired me for being lactose intolerant.