Actually, it's pronounced "jaslight".
You've been saying it wrong the whole time.

My wife just completed a 40 week body building programme this morning.
Its a baby girl weighing 7lb 6ounce.

Im now a dad!!!!

What do you call a typo on a tombstone?
A grave mistake.

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.
He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now its fine.

It's tough being married to a trigonometry professor
They tend to go off on tangents .

Mouse 1: Hey, stop sweating over that cat. Just spray a little bit of this underneath your arms - he won't come near you. Mouse 2: Really? What is it?
Antipurrrrrspirant

Why cant you buy things using fried chicken?
Because its not legal tender

Apparently with the rise of A.l., people dont need computer screens anymore.
Im closely monitoring the situation.

I just finished writing a book on penguins.
It probably would've been easier to write it on paper.

What's the most stupid animal in the jungle..
A polar bear

I jumped off the Eiffel Tower so they renamed it after me. Now its called
The I Fell Tower.

My friend decided to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend.
Apparently, she was seeing someone else.

Im a regular old timer
My back hurts every second.

If you claim to have eaten a bologna sandwich but didn't,
you're still full of bologna

Star Wars Joke: Whats the internal temperature of a taun-taun?
Lukewarm.

My 13 year old son just got out of bed to tell me that he came up with this joke on his own (while reading the Star Wars Encyclopedia. My work as a father is done.)

If a king sleeps on a king-sized bed and a queen sleeps on a queen-sized bed, where does a prince sleep?
On an heir mattress.

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are...
But I laugh more

I took my date to a Middle Eastern restaurant, but she hated it.
I falafel about it.

What do clouds wear under their shorts
Thunder pants

Did he race cars or motorcycles?
In the book of Exodus, it says:
And Moses came forth in his Triumph.

Where do you take someone injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
to the I.C.U.

My math teacher is a bad Christian.
He is a siner.

They told me there was only one way to stock a candy aisle
But I had a few Twix up my sleeve.

My friend said his dental appointment wasn't until two thirty
So I punched him in the mouth.

Dont challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless youre prepared for the reaper cushions.