Why was Sauron not as dark as Melkor?
Because Melkor was Morgoth
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
What is wrong with these guys?! Theyre terrible!
The caddy nearby says,
Oh, you didnt hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.
The priest bows his head and says,
Thats so tragic Ill say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says,
I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.
The golfer pauses, then says
Why cant they just play at night?
My boss said to me today, Youre the worst train driver ever. How many trains have you derailed so far?
I said its hard to keep track
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian.
I can't think of any word that starts with N and ends with G.
Nothing in the English language starts with N and ends with G!
What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow..
Ill try a grape.
The other day, I asked the librarian if she had any books about dinosaurs that she recommends.
She replied, "Try Sarah Topps."
Yesterday I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.
The cashier said never mind and I paid with 2 dollar bills
Wife to ditzy husband, Why did you make the potato soup with 125 small potatoes?
Husband, I know it seems like a lot, but the recipe called for five potatoes cubed.
Russian nesting dolls are so self-centered.
They're completely full of themselves.
My doctor told me Im at an age where I need a colonoscopy annually.
Im a bit worried. Hes a doctor and should know its pronounced anally.
I went to a restaurant and they served me a dessert followed by appetizer followed by a main
Wrong order.
My friend has that thing where you're scared of being in a small space with a cat.
It's clawstrophobia.
What did the hippie do when he saw a Spaceman?
He parked the car
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandels.
You should sing soloSo low I cant hear you!
Also:
You should sing Tenor.
Ten or Fifteen miles away!
Are there any more specific to singing like this?
GymsMy wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef...
What actor runs on batteries?
Vin D-cell
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he kept getting lost at sea!
My Hamster just died.
He fell asleep at the wheel.
Why did Jim Morrison cross the road?
To break on through to the other side
What do you call a British cow?
Sirloin
My pregnant coworker said the doctor found protein in her urine
I said geez, theyre really putting that stuff in everything nowadays!