Actual line from my 10-year old: At dinner I mentioned that for some reason the corn didnt actually taste much like corn.
After a slight pause, my son deadpanned: Thats corncerning. 10/10 groaner

My house is haunted by a chicken
It is a poultry-geist. A really fowl spirit. I called an eggcorcist. He tried to get it to the other side.

I have asked many people what LGBQTIA+ stands for....
So far no-one has given me a straight answer.

What did the baby chicken say when its mother laid an orange?
Look at the orange mommalaid.

Please don't accept friend requests from Lizzie Borden on Facebook.
She is a known hacker.

I just finished reading a book about the worlds greatest basement.
It was best cellar.

How bring moose in Canada
Two Irish hunters from Belfast hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.

The two Irishmen objected strongly, stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off.

Climbing out of the wreck, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

How does a polygamist hippie count his wives?
1 Mrs. Hippie. 2 Mrs. Hippie. 3. Mrs Hippie

Edit: Typo

A friend of mine changed his name to Bjrn today
He wasn't Bjrn yesterday

What would Michael Jackson be called if he was in the X-men?
Wolver-hehene.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality

What kind of doctor is always on call?
An Oncologist. Obviously.

What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency?
It Hertz.

Where does the pirate buy his hook at?
At the second hand shop!

A cannibal family moved in next door and invited us over for dinner.
Apparently they were fed up with their old neighbors.

A friend of mine fell into a coal pit.
Dont worry, he only suffered miner injuries.

However you feel about hitchhiking...
It gets a Thumbs Up from me!

What do you call a really cool crocodilian whos paid to argue with people?
A litigator.

I just learned the moto of the cannibal Bed&Breakfast industry
"To Serve Man"

I finally got around to watching that Halo show.
I think it's called "Master Chief".

It sucks. It's just a bunch of people cooking for an hour.

Starting a bakery
I recently helped play a small roll in starting a local bakery and Im proud of its success as its rapidly rising to be a destination bakery shop. I sent them some flours for their grand opening and told them if they knead me Ill be there.

My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.

Whats the difference between a Seal and a Sea Lion?
i o n

What do you call a Tube that went to College?
A graduated cylinder