70% of the Earth's surface is covered in water and none of it is carbonated.
That's my proof that the Earth is flat.
At dinner, I asked my date if she enjoys talking about the American Civil War.
She said, Sometimes, but not General Lee.
At one time, I was very poor. I couldn't even pay my electricity bill.
That was the darkest period of my life.
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
Father-In-Law!
I'm tired, so I'm going to Romania...
...to book a rest.
Two guys were loading a coffin into a hearse on a steep incline. After loading, they both get into the vehicle.Two guys were loading a coffin into a hearse on a steep incline. After loading, they both get into the vehicle.
As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store front of a pharmacy and keeps going.
The driver races after it and chases it into the pharmacy.
The pharmacist in the back says "Can I help you?" and the driver says "Yeah, do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
You know what Id rate our solar system?
One star
Toddler arrested for refusing to take a nap
Harsh, but they were resisting a rest.
TIL the word gibberish is a palindrome
Backwards it is hsirebbig, which is gibberish
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I have like 15 wooden balls already.
Vampires can be found in Europe but there's none in Africa...That's because holy water kills vampires and...
*They bless the rains down in Africa*
My buddy told me his girlfriend was 3 feet 3 inches tall.
I said I'd like to meter.
What do you call singing in the shower?
A soap opera
In America, if two immigration agents have a kid
Is that an ICE ICE Baby?
Most puns make me feel numb. However
Making mathematical puns make me feel number
When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees;
Sycamore.
My wife was about to say an alphabet pun
but I wouldn't letter.
I have a really nice step-ladder.
But I'm still sad I never got to know my real ladder.
Whats the favorite restaurant of the stuttering quarterback?
Pizza Hut Hut Hut
Two cats had a swimming race. The first cat was called "One, two three," and the other was called "un deux trois." Which cat won the race?
"One two three" won. Unfortunately, the un deux trois cat sank.
A young Amish man ignored tradition and became the world's first Amish software engineer.He was one of the pioneers in programming voices for AI chatbots until the company had to let him go.
It turns out his AI voices were too hoarse & buggy.
What would two termites order at a restaurant?
Table for two
I was digging for dinosaur leg bones and I thought I had found one...
But it was a fossil arm.
People think being a waiter isn't a respectable job.
But, hey, it puts food on the table.
What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
Their crews were marooned.