If a one-L lama is a holy man, and a two-L llama is an animal, whats a three-L lllama?
Turns out, its a big fire in Boston.

People are like onions...
If you chop them up into tiny pieces, everyone nearby starts crying.

My daughter woke me up at 11:00 PM last night. Daddy she whispered guess how old Ill be next month
I dont know I whispered. How old? She smiled and held up 4 fingers. Its 7:39 am now. My wife and I have been up with her all night. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

Air used to be free at the gas station. Now its $1.00. Want to know why?
Inflation

Why shouldnt you eat a clock?
Because its very time-consuming.

My gf is a doctor who is constantly being asked to come in to deal with cancer patients
She's in oncallogy

Ive always been afraid of gardening.
Then I decided to grow a pear.

I was at the airport and noticed the singer from Jane's Addiction out of the corner of my eye
I saw him with my Perry Farrell vision

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.

Before he became a famous actor, Arnold Schwarzenegger was fired from his job at Home Depot. Every time a customer asked for help finding something, it didnt matter where that item was actually located, he always had the same response.
Hed point toward the rear of the store and say, Aisle B. Back.

A friend asked how I feel about spinning in circles and blowing air.
I said Im not a fan

My wife gave me the worst disrespect this morning
Normally, she rolls her eyes or groans when I make jokes. Par for the course.

But this morning, she's watching Tiktok, the dude in the video said: "my friend Tony told me to never say his name backwards, I said, 'why not?'" and she bursts out laughing.

I get no respect.

My friend told me about his new invention: A thought controlled air freshener. I said, "I just don't see how you're gonna market that."
He said, "Well...it makes scents if you think about it."

I keep saying things like 'heavens to betsy' and 'you'll get more flies with honey than vinegar '.
I have to finally admit that old adage is setting in.

Why did the fisherman cross the sea?
Just for the halibut

It's like my mom always told me...
"You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn't die."

The Chinese man who invented the camera lens passed away this morning.
R.i.p Zoo Min.

What do you call a pharmacy above the top floor?
A drug attic

Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.

I drove ahead of a slow car whose driver honked at me
It was a blast from the passed

What did Ivan Drago say when he found out his wife wanted to change her hair color?
If she dyes, she dyes

My friends all tell me Im really bad at subtraction.
I dont know what to take away from those comments.

Not all math puns are funny
just sum!

The former Nazi soldier applied for a job in the animal hospital.
After all, he is a veteran aryan.

I accidentally ate my trumpet
I can't stop tooting