My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards
I asked him y not

If Mexican restaurants have Taco Tuesday, what do Vietnamese restaurants have?
Pho-riday

What's heavier, butane or water?
Water, because butane is a lighter fluid.

The ousted Nvidia CEO has been linked to three women !...
Now thats parallel processing!

When Princess Leia felt cold, her brother pulled her into an embrace to warm her up. When he asked if he she felt any warmer
She said she felt lukewarm.

What moves faster, heat or cold?
Heat, because it's easy to catch a cold.

Thanks, u/SpareMushrooms

I got an elevator to the sixteenth floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son."
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!"

He said: No, but I brought you up, didn't I?".

What do you call a blind German?
A not-see.

The surgeon came out and said, Look, I have good news and I have bad news about your son. The bad news is its impossible remove the abacus from his stomach, so his abdomen will forever look absolutely disgusting.
The good news is, its whats on the inside that counts.

Microsoft still struggling with outages
The Outlook is not good.

Whats red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

People keep complaining that I overuse contractions.
Oh well. It's what it's!

Id tell you an eye joke, but it would be too cornea
Maybe you could brows this sub instead?

My wife brought home a 1.570795 from the grocery store.
I told her next time, just get a whole pie.

How does a T. Rex know if it has worked out too hard?
He is dina-sore

What do you say when all the flights across the US get grounded at the same time?
FAA!

I don't know why everyone's so angry at the NVIDIA CEO.
As far as I can tell, he's just minding his own affairs.

Today, the US Mint will officially mint the last US penny and will no longer produce them in the future.
This makes no cents.

Looking at the way I dress, you wouldn't suspect I was a millionaire
And you'd be right to think that

Does your wife always sleep on her stomach?
Yes, shes prone to do that

Where in Italy are you most likely to find an elephant?
Tusk-any.

They say time flies, but with the way the airlines are going maybe time should take the bus
{chinchilla}

Microsofts email system is down and they dont know when itll be restored.
Their outlook is really bad.

I went to the urgent care clinic today. While there, a male nurse asked me if I wanted a pamphlet.
I said, "Yeah, bro... Sure."

What do you call a prostitution scam?
A booby trap