The first 3 letters of 'Sweden' and 'Denmark' spell out 'Sweden.'
The remaining letters spell out 'Denmark.'

I got kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant.
They bahn mi pho life.

The inventor of Velcro passed away last week.
RIP.

I don't like computer science jokes.
Not one bit.

Why is Vader called Lord?
Because calling him "Master" made all of the Stormtroopers giggle.

I woke up from a dream that a female horse charged at me
What a night-mare

Where's the best place to find a wedding DJ?
Wikiwikipedia.

Teacher Arrested
Teacher Arrested!
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference Attorney General Todd Blanche said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Director of National Intelligence Clayton said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House Director of Communications Cheung told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

Without nipples
Boobs would be pointless

I just found out my new neighbor is European...
He's having a meter sale this weekend.

Whats water's chemical formula?
H I J K L M N O
H to O

I asked the bank manager why they keep denying me a home loan. I said, Its because my job pays me in soothing succulents, isnt it?
He said, Exactly we consider that aloe income.

I just read a book entitled " how to survive falling down a staircase"
It's a step by step guide published last fall.

Iv just started dating this amazing sexy woman whos an advocate of the Metric system
Oh, where did you meter

Where do ghosts like to cool off in the summer?
Lake Eerie.

Have you heard about Chris Pine's wife, Sue?
She's really laid back.

Did you hear about the chronic masturbator who passed away?
He died after three strokes

The wind blew most of the stuff off my desk.
But my stacks of paper remained stationary.

What was the last thing Grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
Lets see how far I can kick this bucket

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectator.

A baby buffalo went to his mother and came out as bisexual to her.
He's a bi-son now.

Incredibly, biologists in North America discovered a baby frog whose great grandpa is from Warsaw.
Theyre saying hes just a tad Pole.

Never date a plumber
It always leaves you feeling drained

I walked past a Vietnamese restaurant today...
...called Pho de Nguyen. Took me sec, but I got it. Ftw!

Where's the best place to go if you're looking to bang a hot cougar who has children?
Milford.