The new Scandinavian priest seems nice, but I think he might be obsessed with Mortal Kombat.
He ends every service with a FINNISH HYMN!

As I embarked on my voyage to India, I bid farewell to my mother.
I said, "Mumbai."

AskDadjokes: Replace the title of your favorite Love song with the word "Lunch"..
Mine: "What's Lunch Got to Do with It?" by Aretha Frank-n-bean

(It's a guaranteed eye roll from my son every time!)

(Ed: sorry, that song was by Tina Tuna!!)

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

Why do vampires have low fertility rates?
Because they can't come inside unless invited.

I got an email the other day telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.

How can you convert dollars to pounds?
By visiting McDonalds

What do you call a pair of inspirational shoes?
Motivational sneakers.

i wish i could go back to the time I had s*x with a rectangle..
best shape I'd ever been in.

Sick joke, not sure if it qualifies as a Dad joke.
There was this guy who went to jail and he was found dead in his cell, he hung himself... It was a suspended sentence

What do Norwegian police drive?
Fjord Rangers

A number of you have commented on my posts that my grammar stinks.
Jesus guys, shes 97 years old, leave her alone.

A man walks into a bar. Hes got syphilis, typhoid, cholera, rickets, scurvy, bubonic plague, gout, shingles, pink eye, ringworm, mono, hepatitis A through C, whooping cough, measles, mumps, dengue fever, trench foot, strep throat, mumps, measles, Lyme disease, and hand-foot-and-mouth disease.
Bartender says, "What is this...some kind of sick joke?"

I think my dyslexic neighbor might be a devil worshiper
Yesterday he told me he sold his soul to Santa

What do you call a dog that lives in the basement?
A subwoofer

What do you call someone who sells Ships and Boats?
A Sailsman.

Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from?
A poul-tree.

When greeting a police officer, I strongly recommend using your left hand.
A lawyer once told me never to wave my rights.

I got an email the other day telling me how to read maps upside-down
It was just sdew

Why did the wizard go to the hospital?
He had staff infection.

Someone has just sold me a bottle of odourless perfume.
It doesn't make any scents!

Why did the hamburglar turn to a life of crime?
He was bad with his Fry-nances

I named my quadruplets Pedro, Pierre, Pietro and Piotr.
It was funny for a while, but the humor eventually Petered out.

Question: Whats brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick

(I'm sorry; I'll show myself out now)

What did the blind monk say to the cook at the fish fry?
a) Nothing, he took a vow of silence

b) Holy Mackerel, friar, I lost my sole

c) Are the sisters visiting from the nunnery again?