Why is Mississippi taking so long to count the votes?
Because this is how they count
One Mississippi
Two Mississippi
A man was rushed to the hospital, with the whole left side of his body missing.
He's all right now.
Did you know "The Flintstones" is controversial in the United Arab Emirates?
People in Dubai don't like it, but people in Abu Dhabi DOOOOOO
Breaking News: A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars.
the Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
What do you do if B12 shows up at your door?
You vitamin
How does Jesus prepare his coffee
Hebrews it.
Whats faster than an escalator?
An escasooner
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, hed turn over in his gravy!
What do you call a tiger that doesnt like sweets?
A Savor-toothed Tiger
My Theft Remains Undetected.I stole a board game from my sister.
She has no Clue.
Guy at my work only gives back rubs to other guys
Hes a massagenist.
Mike Tyson is SO religious
That he punches people in the faith.
Within the next few years, restaurants will start paying their staff a living wage rather than relying on gratuity.
I think were finally reaching a tipping point.
Why is George R. R. Martin not on Twitter/X?
Because he killed all 280 characters.
Why do lazy people hate origami?
Too much paperwork.
Where do young trees go to learn ?
Elemen-tree school .
A young boy walks into a church with finger guns
and goes pew pew pew!
Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
CoffeeI ordered coffee the other day, and the barrista asked for my name.
I said, " Some people call me the space cowboy.
Some people call me the gangster of love. "
And went and sat down.
A few seconds later.
"Coffee for Maurice."
Defibrillator.
Have you noticed that when a defibrillator fails, nobody is shocked?
Does Your S.O. Like Star Wars?
If you're dating someone who doesn't like Star Wars, you're looking for love in Alderaan places.
A dog walks into a barthere is a horse behind the counter cleaning glasses, the dog stops in his tracks and just stares at the horse.
After about 3 minutes its getting a little uncomfortable so the horse goes what, you never seen a horse bartender before?
No, no the dog replies I just never though the fox would ever sell the place!
Sad news indeed... The guy who championed males and females to play Tennis together has passed away.
Rest in peace Mick Stubbles
What do you call a rich Chinese guy?
Cha ching!
My son asked me.My son asked me," Where does poo come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
He looked at me a bit perplexed and stared at me in stunned silence.
"And Tigger?"