A young woman turns to the priest sitting next to her: "Father, may I ask you a favor?
"Of course, my daughter, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electric hair dryer for my mother's birthday, and I'm afraid customs will confiscate it. Could you carry it for me through the green lane, under your robes?"
"I am willing, but I must warn you... I do not lie."
"With your honest and honorable face, Father, no one will even ask you."
At the airport, the customs officer asks: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The customs officer thinks this is a strange answer: "And what do you have to declare from the waist down, Father?"
"I have a wonderful instrument designed for a woman's use, but it has, until this day... never been used."
The customs officer bursts out laughing: "Move along, Father!! Next in line!"
Tell you what I know about dwarves.
Very little.
If anyone here is thinking about getting married, consider the following before you do - On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
- On the other hand, you dont.
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/u/brother_p [link] [comments] I just returned from the National Condiment Convention.
It was wonderful to ketchup with old friends.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
Lim Ping.
If you cant afford to visit Scandinavia, I have a plan that will help.
Start saving some cash, figure out when youll have enough money, Denmark it on your calendar.
Whats a ducks favourite Mexican food?
Quackamole
The dentist and the manicurist had a rough marriage.
They fought tooth and nail...
What kind of phone will you never see a doctor use?
An Apple.
My 8-year-old daughter started crying on "Take Your Daughter to Work Day."
As my coworkers gathered around to check on her, she sobbed, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you work with?"
What do you call a Chinese-American cameraman?
Phil Ming
I created a dad joke!I saw a video on YouTube last night about a guy who made a timepiece for your wrist out of granite.
It was a hard watch.
After cleaning out the shower drains in our house, I made my wife a pair of shoes out of the junk that I found.
She loves her new clogs.
Why did the optimist leave the horse farm?
He had to get away from all those neigh sayers.
I know a Polish sound engineer
And a Czech one, too
Need an ark?
I Noah guy.
I refuse to make puns about seeds.
Just sow you know.
The Coyote once tried to catch the Roadrunner by booby-trapping one of the keys on a piano with an explosive. Which key was it?
C4.
E-bikes (didn't realize it until I was saying it)My boy has been telling us for months about how he wants an E-bike or some other cool electric scooters. My wife and I were looking at websites. She says, "I don't know why these things cost so much!"
Without missing a beat, I said, "I think it's because they can charge it!"
Why do Russians make great weatherman?
Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable.
Why do Mom kangaroos hate it when it rains?
Because the kids have to play inside.
Mate asks, "How did you quit smoking so easily?" !".
Me, "It was the wife's idea...she suggested I only smoke after sex..
I saw my doctor today. Showed him the rash on my bum,
but he completely ignored me and kept scanning his groceries through the checkout...