Why do generational witches avoid using popular dating apps?
Because their ancestors had bad experiences with matches on Tinder.

(I just heard this on another platform. Apologies if told recently.)

A new Indian restaurant has opened near me called Karma. It doesn't have a menu to order from.
You just get what you deserve!

Just a quick reminder that at a Nudist Colony Wedding, there are NO dress rehearsals.
It's unsuitable.

Told my son how I used to hate facial hair
but then it grew on me

Parallel Lines Have So Much in Common
Its a shame theyll never meet

Had to leave my job at the gym cause I couldnt even lift 20kgs
I had to submit my too weak notice

What does a cannibal eat to freshen their breath?
Ligaments

What is the most judgemental type of hot tub?
The j'accuzi!

I remember the very first time I laid eyes on my future wife when she was assigned to be my partner in anatomy lab.
She was all like, Ew, Jesus! Get these things off of me!

What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto

Ice cream.
Where do you go to learn to make ice creams ?
Sunday school.

You learn something new everyday.
Except when you are a historian, then you learn something old

The cannibal faces his death sentence. "Any wishes for your last meal?"
"Five guys!"

Book sale had a third off all titles
So I bought The Lion, The Witch

A man went to a Halloween costume party wearing a green onesie a carrying a woman on his back.
The host of the party, wearing a skeleton costume, walked up to greet him.

'What have you come dressed as?' The host asked.

'I'm a tortoise.' The man replied.

'And who's this?' The host asked, gesturing to the woman on his back.

'Oh, that,' said the man. 'That's Michelle.'

Chicken meets Math
Why did the chicken cross the Mbius strip?

To get to the same side!

Did you hear about the new documentary where Chewbacca takes up ceramics?
It's called "Hairy Potter".

William: "Dad, I have a huge crush on my classmate Wei Li, but I have no idea how to win her heart."
Dad: "Son, don't worry. Where there's a Will, there's a Wei."

I heard you are really good with horses
*In a low raspy voice* No, my throat is just sore.

What?

I'm a hoarse whisperer

Someone stole all the weight plates from my gym
Police are still weighing the evidence.

Costco isnt making toilet paper any longer.
Or shorter.

I stole Bob Iger's necktie. Now, when I sport it while visiting Disney, the employees stare at me strangely.
They're all watching me wear the tie of the Iger.

What singer do bees love?
Sting.

What do you call a beehive with the entrance hold blocked?
Unbelievable

The T-1000 changed careers to work in pest control
He's an ex-terminator exterminator.