An Irishman went into a department store and asked the sales assistant:
Do you sell potato clocks?

Im sorry, sir, she replied, Ive never heard of such a thing. We sell digital clocks, alarm clocks, carriage clocks, cuckoo clocks and even grandfather clocks, but what exactly is a potato clock?

I dont know either, replied the Irishman,

but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and my wife said to me:

Youd better get a potato clock.

Why does Sherlock Holmes always get a tax refund?
Hes a master of deduction!

I had this patient whose wife tried to cut off his penis and missed cutting his thigh instead.
She was still charged, with a missed-a-wiener.

Dad Joke "Book Titles"
Growing up, I remember my Dad had a bunch of fake books and authors that were the height of Dad jokes...

I'm positive this is an actual "genre" of Dad joke and others out there must have more to add, so I'll start with my 2 favorites that I remember and let's see if we can create a whole Dad Joke Library...

"The Yellow River" by I.P. Freely

"The Tiger's Revenge" by Claude Balls

Shout out to my grandma
Because that's the only way she can hear

My waiter asked me how I like my steak
So I told him I like my steak like me winning a argument with my wife

So the waiter said "rare it is"

Who is Frosty's favourite Aunt?
Aunt Arctica

I asked my wife if she wanted to role play as a CPA for tax day
She said she wasnt intuit

My Doctor said I should limit my drinking to special days only.
My Psychologist said I should make every day a special day.

Its not my fault that they dont talk to each other

What do cows like to read?
Cattle-logs

"t" and "g" are really close on the keyboard...
That's why I've learned my lesson and I'm never going to sign off my emails with "regards" ever again.

Do you have holes in your underwear?
If you said no, then how do you get your legs through?

What did the dad say when he put the car in reverse?
This takes me back

Im so sick of my new phone. Autocorrect keeps changing Surely to Shirley
Must be stuck in Airplane Mode

People think grass dont be wet in the morning.
But it dew

Just ignore the tin foil hat I guess
A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

Oh, no! Our neighbor died!
Who, Ray?

Honey, it's not the appropriate time to cheer.

What do you call it when a journalist irons their underwear?
A press brief.

How do you find out how many vampires there are?
You Count Draculas

I'm a ventriloquist without a dummy
According to the doctor the technical term is "schizophrenic".

How do bachelors do their taxes?
in single file!

I was going to make a joke about the balls of an elderly man...
...but that would just be low-hanging fruit.

What did the Mexican kid say when they cancelled Looney Tunes?
Porque pig.

My next door neighbour mowed the grass every day of his life until one day when he woke up and saw his garden completely bare.
He went around looking forlorn.

My dad started training me to take his place as the lead circus clown.
I've got some really big shoes to fill!