A man walks into a library and says to the librarian
Do you have that book for men with small penises?

The librarian looks on her computer and says, I dont know if its in yet.

The man replies, Yeah, thats the one!

With regret we announce that the CEO of Ricola Swiss Lozenges has passed away.
There was no coffin at the funeral.

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: what is your blood type?
The rabbit says, I think I might be a type 0.

My wife has a new T-shirt with pictures of carrots, apples and bananas. Call me crazy, but I think its sexy.
She looks so good in a crop top.

How many Dementia Patients does it take to change a lightbulb
To get to the other side.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of their boats?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

I think I remembered a really good joke to make about the Michigan/Western Michigan game.
Just give me a second.

My father invented the cold air balloon....
It never took off.

What is Frankenstein's favorite cheese?
Meunster

Why do seafaring thieves charge $3.14, 3.14, or 3,14 for their booty?
Because they are pi rates.

My wife said she wanted to watch a film without me.
"That's any film then," I replied, "since I'm not an actor."

Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the worlds largest bedsheet.
More on this story as it unfolds.

What's the best kind of candy to tell a joke to?
Snickers

My wife asked me to clear the table.
I took a running start and barely made it over, but shes still mad.

What do you call the manager of a furniture store?
The chair-man!

A store in town is selling pillow covers for $50 each!!
What a sham.

What do you call a man from Louisiana who is a fan of The Tragically Hip?
Bob Cajun.

What is a doctor's favorite file extension?
.doc

A man wanted to share a word at a colleague's funeral. He strode to the mic and said, "Bargain."
The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."

Which industrial site always smells the strongest?
The ol factory

I went to the hairdressers and said, Can I have a haircut like Tom Cruise?
So they gave me a cushion to sit on.

The guy who stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family

Mexican pt2
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila

What do you call a holiday movie about a slice of cheese in a boobytrapped house?
prov-ALONE!!!!!

All but one of the baseball players on the Dyslexic Pirates team have the same zodiac sign. What is it?
Pisces of eight.