Whats Trumps favorite garden.?
Kinder..

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Trump says its fixed, and they all stand around clapping in the dark.

My husband asked me to show him my wild side.
So I opened Safari.

Went to an airshow today, and saw a RedBull stunt plane going all out. I pointed it out to my nephew who immediately came at me with...
It used to be a stunt car, but RedBull gave it wiiings.

I nearly died laughing, I was so proud of him in that moment and really wanted to share the humor with some like minded folks. (I am a dad, just not his dad.) Anyone else find some truly inspired dad humor from unexpected places?

Im trying to make a joke about furniture
And sofa, I cant come up with anything.

A little boy ran up to me shouting "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"
I ran over with him and saw two men going at it. I asked, "Which one is your dad?"
He said, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about!"

Why was the dentist disappointed with his long service award?
Because all he got was a little commemorative plaque

Teacher: use contagious in a sentence
Me: I saw my neighbor painting her house with a toothbrush. I said: it will take this contagious to get it done.

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A Seatbelt

Pyramids
Ive started reading a book about how the pyramids were built

but its taking forever to get to the point.

A recent survey revealed that 85% of Americans don't know how to do basic math.
Thankfully, I'm part of the other 25%.

Ive never owned a telescope in my life
but its something Ive considered looking into to!

Fact: The worlds longest drum solo was 13 hours and 26 minutes.
It was performed by a 5 year old little bastard on the back of my seat while flying from London to Singapore.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer recently.
I dont know what he laced them with, but Ive been tripping all day.

Did I ever tell you the story about the snake that bit me?
It's a long tail.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter
Irrelephant

What do you call a naked bear?
Bare.

Whats the difference between an evil wizard that raises the dead and an amorous chiropractor?
Ones a necromancer and the other is a neck-romancer.

I tried to organise a hide and seek tournament, but it was a disaster in the end.
The good players were hard to find.

How The Beastie Boys are making money with their 5 part Anthology?
Parts A to D are free... But you have to fight for your Right to Part E ...

We were in hurry while cooking, but my wife told me to put some herbs on the food anyways.
I told her, there is no thyme.

When can you trust a fart?
Depends.

What's so bad about sourdough?
What's so bad about sourdough?

Well, for starters...

Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism