It's probably just as well McDonald's never put a sirloin sandwich on the menu.
It would have been a McSteak.
I have a fear of driving under bridges with passengers in my car.
I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
How much smaller is the EU after Brexit?
1 GB.
I used to have an uncontrollable obsession with buying large boats.
Thankfully, the antibuyyachtics worked.
A sheik is trying to buy up every fish and chip shop in the UK
He's called Sultan Vinegar.
What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and bolts
My sister met her husband at a Scrabble tournament 20 years ago.
Next week they are going to renew their vowels...
I was shocked to read in the papers today that a midget has been pickpocketed...
How could someone stoop so low...
No one wants to be as dumb as a rock
but everyone wants to be as smart as ein Stein
Our hearts go out to the family of Bob, after his unfortunate accident with the combine.
He is very much mist.
This is my cake day joke
It has layers
Happy Pythagorean Theorem DayIf you get my angle, it just seems so right for those followers of three sided shapes.
This joke has a best before date of 10^2 + 24^2 = 26^2
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents go to work?
To day scare
Due to the rental rental car companys negligence a man was thrown through the windshield. As he hit the pavement he was heard to yell:
Damn that Hertz!
Where do Zombies Usually Live?
Dead ends.
Where in a hospital would u find decaffeinated coffee?
In decaffeteria.
Our hearts go out....
To all the autopsy surgeons in the world.
Despite common beliefs, Pontius Pilate didnt invent Pilates
He invented CrossFit!
Have you heard of the benefits of dried grapes?
Im all about raisin awareness.
The critics loved my painting of a Jack in the Box.
They said I really mastered the art of surprise.
Possibly my finest hourMy wife and I came down with whatever violent cold is going around, sneezing, coughing, miserable. We got over it, but just couldn't shake the cough. After a few days, I was talking to a friend about it, and he mentioned getting an over-the-counter thing that really helped, so I bought a couple of boxes online. When they were delivered, my wife saw what they were and immediately got upset.
"You know I just got cold medicine a few days ago! You could have just asked where it was, and now we've got boxes and boxes of the stuff, and we'll have to store it, and it'll just be sitting around for years, and....."
When she finally wound down, I said, "You're right, I shouldn't have gotten it. I should have known you'd get upset. It even warned me."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, it says here on the box: 'Expect a rant.'"
What is Snoop Dogg's favorite weather?
Drizzle
What did the zombie want with Rapunzel
BRAAAIIIIDS
People who sell meat are gross
People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
There's a new competitor for Discord on the internet.
It's called Datcord.