I'm developing a game where you have to go back to assassinate Adam.
It's a first person shooter.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but no lighter
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
In England it's called a lift, but in America it's called an elevator.
I guess people are just raised differently.
Do you know why the shopping place is called the mall?
Because instead of going to one store, you can go to them all.
Ive been putting up posters for my neighbours missing dog.
In his cool new bedroom at my house.
William Tell
Everyone knows about William Tell, who was famous for his exceptional archery skills. But what people dont know is that William and his entire family were also exceptional bowlers. Unfortunately, most of the records from that time have been lost so no one knows for whom the Tells bowled.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel?
An inn grown hare
It's ok to buy a nun a drink occasionally
But just make sure you don't get into the habit
Ive read one page of Lord of the Rings, every day for more than ten years
..I just cant kick the hobbit
Why did 6 and 7 break up?
Because they make an unlucky pair
My daughter begged, Dad, pleeease say something to make me laugh. I said, Mashed potatoes. Mac and cheese. Green bean casserole. Potato salad. She tilted her head and said, Hows that supposed to be funny?
I said, Sorry Im really trying all jokes a side.
Why do cows wear bells
Because their horns wont work
What do you call a flying nun?A bird? A plane?
Nope, Nun of the above!
Why did the magazine company go out of business?
They had too many issues.
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant and the waiter asked me, Do you want to hear todays special? I replied, "Sure, why not?!" He smiled and said, No problem sir!"
"Today is special!"
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?
Lost.
Im reading a novel where the main character has strained the muscles around his spine.
Thats his back story.
What do you call a cow that just had a calf ?
A moo-ther
Why did Han Solo send his steak back?
Because it was Chewy.
A gingerbread man went to the doctors complaining of a sore knee.
The doctor asked him. Have you tried icing it?
The bodybuilder bees wife comes home and finds a letter from him.The letter says: Honey, Im sorry but I must leave you to pursue my dream of becoming a monk.
Devastated, she meets with her friend at the bee bar and pours her heart out to her.
Her friend listens to everything and after shes finished, the friend says:
Well, to be honest Im not surprised. Hes always been a strong bee leaver.
I was gonna be a racecar driver
But I didnt stay on track.
You think gas and electric bills are expensive but have you seen chimneys?
Theyre through the roof.
Do you remember when I told you the trouble I was having with my spine ?
It was about a week back
Whats the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.