Have you heard Alanis Morrisette drives a Hyundai EV?
Is it an Ioniq?

Whats worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.

I went to the doctor's last week and it turns out I'm both gay and dyslexic.
I'm still in Daniel.

My girlfriend is trying to lose weight by snorting cocaine
She calls it 'Diet Coke'

Did you know Dolly Parton was terrible at mathematics? She even had a song about it...
"Adding 9 to 5, what a way to make 11."

Sad news - the man who first got men and women playing tennis together in groups of four passed away last week
RIP Mick Stubbles

What did Humpty Dumpty say to all the kings men?
Yokes on you

I quit smoking cold turkey!
From now on I only smoke cigarettes

When I got to work, there was a mysterious love letter covered in slime on my desk.
Looks like I have a secrete admirer.

I'm at the age where I no longer care if I look good in photos...
I just wanna look good in CT scans, MRIs, and X-rays...

I dont want to brag but last year I ran two marathons in 1 day.
My first marathon and my last marathon.

When I make Eggs Benedict I only use metal plates...
Because theres no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.

I just emailed my senator to complain about the economy.
But all I got was an out of office reply.

I told a friend that my aunt is in hospital, passing the time by playing draughts, ludo and mahjong.
"Any chess?" he asked.

"No. She's gone private."

Me: "Dad, can you spell wonton backwards?"
Dad: "Not now."

What do you call a busty bodybuilder who can play the guitar?
Muscle mammary

A hacker once called me and said he has all my passwords
I said, "WHAT!? Hold on. Let me get a pen. Now, what are they again?"

Just when you think vegetables cant call
Onion rings

At dinner, my date asked what my favorite movie was. I said, Well, recently its Aquaman. She said, Oh, thats a good one! Except whats the deal with him insisting on tuning his harp in front of everyone?
I said, Oh, thats just a tension sea king behavior.

I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water until,,,
I read the name backwards....

What do babies do on the internet?
Google gaga

How many Communists does it take to change a lightbulb?
none, for the lightbulb contains the seed of its own glorious revolution..

Why did the prairie dog go to the bank?
It needed to burrow some money

Thought Id try and get a Broadway award for a fake play about pasta.
Turns out you cant rigatoni.

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
Biting into an apple and finding HALF a worm.