Last night, I laid my head on my wife in bed. She said "Why are your ears so cold?"
I could feel a pun there but it just didn't appear. I was frozen. I told her as much.

It haunted me all night. In the morning on my hour drive to work, it was in my head. Same on the drive home.

Finally it came to me.

I got home, walked inside, and first thing I said to her was "ear conditioning."

"What?"

"That's why my ears were cold."

The look she gave me as she realized how much time I spent finding that one.

It's an art form, dads. Sometimes you have to work for it. Don't give up.

I asked my daughter, "If theres a bee in my hand, whats in my eye?" Rolling her eyes, she said, "I give up. What?"
"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

We just found out my grandfather has an addiction to Viagra
No one is taking it harder than grandma

Terrible joke
Sitting here in an airport lounge. Wine is getting low. Waiter comes by and asks if I want my wine topped off. Without hesitation I say sure, wine not with emphasis on the wine. My kids would be so embarrassed. Luckily Im traveling solo.

Can you ever turn it off?

How do you comfort an English teacher?
There, Their, They're

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks
Is this stool taken?

I got caught peeing in the pool today.
The lifeguard shouted so loudly, I almost fell in.

You don't need an Ancestry DNA kit to find out who your relatives are.
Just tell everyone that you've won the lottery.

I told the nurse that I was bitten by a wolf.
she asked "Where?"

I replied "No. Normal"

A deer ran in front of my car. I slammed the brakes and dropped all $20.00 worth of food I had.
At least I saved one buck.

A truck full of Kit Kat has been stolen
There is a Bounty on it.

Why is it called the mall?
Because instead of going on just one store you can go to them all

Why does the crematorium worker make so much money?
They have a high urning potential.

Where does bad light go?
To prism.

why is it risky to use sarcasm, puns, or dad-jokes around kleptomaniacs?
well, they take everything...literally.

Why did the police officer arrest the duck ?
because it was sellin quack

I took a job monitoring felines in nepal
My only question is what does a cat man do?

I sat down for dinner at a restaurant and the waiter asked me, Do you want to hear todays special? I replied, Yes please. He continued, No problem sir.
"Today is special!"

My ex wife still misses me
But her aim is getting better

Which is heavier?
Forgive me if this is a repeat, but my dad just told me this joke so I think it qualifies for this sub.

Which is heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

the water, because butane is a lighter fluid.

As a pyromaniac, I've had a lot of trouble finding a girlfriend.
I'm still looking for a match.

Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs conference.
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What is the best time of year to go skydiving?
Fall

7 people stand around a punch bowl.
Thats it. No punch line needed.