What do you call a man with a two-inch penis?
Justin

You can tell Donald Trump is a self-made man.
He does everything himself. He pisses himself. He shits himself.

He can even go fuck himself.

The teacher calls in a student to have a talk
"Larry I was looking at your essay called 'my dog' and the words in the essay are identical to your sister's essay. Can you explain?"

"Yes," Larry says. "It's the same dog."

I showed my son the first computer I had as a child.
He gave me a puzzled look and asked, "How DOS it work?"

I was told after a vasectomy I wouldnt have kids anymore
imagine my shock when I got home and they were still there!

Weve been calling them mashed potatoes this whole time
When we could have been calling them pattoes

What does a hot dog use for protection?
Condoments

What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
A cannibble

I went to school to be a magician, but I flunked out.
Their tests had too many trick questions.

Not all naval vessels can go under water.
Only a subset of them can.

If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot...
You're probably still an idiot.

Why is it so hard for woman to work in the postal Services?
Because its such a mail dominated industry

The Grill Comparison:
A husband rudely tells his wife, "Your butt is getting so big, its larger than our BBQ grill!" Later that night, he tries to initiate some romance, but his wife immediately shuts him down. When he asks what's wrong, she replies, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?".

Did you know that you can stop a bank robbery with a bottle of Benadryl?
Its an antiheistamine.

I thought going to the zoo with my wife just to see the new baby deer would be boring.
But it was actually pretty fawn.

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales!

A woman named Brittany was placed on a jury trial for murder
The verdict was decided by Brittany's peers.

A time traveller appears in a bar, taking half an hour to fully materialize
The bartender looks at him and asks, "Hey, buddy... Why the long phase?"

You can't drown in raw milk
If there's enough for you to drown... it must be past your eyes.

The Chinese man who invented the camera lens has passed away.
Rest in peace Zoo Min

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows

I'm in court tomorrow for stealing luggage...
I'm hoping it'll be a brief case.

What do you call a 2$ chicken?
Buck buck

Do you know what would be a great name for diarrhea medicine?
Gonorrhea

What's Mike Score's favorite Middle Esatern country?
Iran