I visited Mecca, Medina & Riyadh, guess what I saw?
I Saudi Arabia.

Where do lizards go after their tail falls off?
The retail store.

Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...
Guess the two of us arent going to work out

I was very upset when my wife told me our son wasn't mine.
Then she said I should pay more attention when I pick the kids up from school.

I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today...
It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.

Receptionist answering phone at Dermatologist office, Hi, how may I assist you?
Caller, Im reporting that a small, furry creature with tiny eyes and looks like no ears is digging tunnels in my yard.

Receptionist, May I ask why you are telling me that?

Caller, The doctor told me to let him know if I saw any suspicious moles.

Chuck Norris
Chuck is said to be recovering well from his death last Thursday.

Both sides of the aisle...
I love politically incorrect jokes... this is one of my faves...

Benjamin Franklin was a great American President.

Whats the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck.

If two vegans are having an argument
is it still considered a beef?

When is a Door, not a Door?
When it is Ajar...

What do you call a helicopter with an ejection seat?
A Chopper

What do paint and wire have in common?
They are the only types of strippers your wife will let you be around.

TRUE Story. I was a massage therapist for several years. Had a client that owned horses.
She apologized for coming right from the barn to her appointment. I said, "No problem, climb up and I will take you from Farm to Table. "

She laughed on and off thru the entire hour.

Why do chicken coops have only 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 they'd be chicken sedans.

How many Latinos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just Juan.

My son said he didnt get a phone signal when walking past the cemetery
I told him that it was a dead zone.

Theres a guy at work who constantly criticizes my understanding of binary logic.
Hes always Boolean me!

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says, You look like youve got a lot on your mind. The man replies, Yeah I tried to organize a hide-and-seek tournament. The bartender asks, Howd it go? The man sighs,

Terrible. Good players are hard to find.

Bar.
A man with authority walks into a bar.

He orders everyone a round.

Which search engine does Super Mario use?
Yahoo!

Which dating site do trees use?
Timber!

Why are there no eye doctors in the chain of Alaskan Islands?
They're just optical Aleutians.

I'll never have the chance to have sex in space.
I imagine it would be out of this world.