It's probably just as well McDonald's never put a sirloin sandwich on the menu.
It would have been a McSteak.
I have a fear of driving under bridges with passengers in my car.
I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
Why did someone name their dogs Timex and Rolex?
Because they were watchdogs.
Where in a hospital would u find decaffeinated coffee?
In decaffeteria.
How much smaller is the EU after Brexit?
1 GB.
I used to have an uncontrollable obsession with buying large boats.
Thankfully, the antibuyyachtics worked.
Before the town's locksmith died, he made me promise to take care of his dog.
I only had the dog in my home for half an hour when he made a bolt for the door.
What type of pasta are you not allowed to put on the table?
Elbows.
A sheik is trying to buy up every fish and chip shop in the UK
He's called Sultan Vinegar.
What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and bolts
My sister met her husband at a Scrabble tournament 20 years ago.
Next week they are going to renew their vowels...
Happy Pythagorean Theorem DayIf you get my angle, it just seems so right for those followers of three sided shapes.
This joke has a best before date of 10^2 + 24^2 = 26^2
People who sell meat are gross
People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer
Due to the rental rental car companys negligence a man was thrown through the windshield. As he hit the pavement he was heard to yell:
Damn that Hertz!
Our hearts go out to the family of Bob, after his unfortunate accident with the combine.
He is very much mist.
Taser.Reports say, the person who invented the taser has died.
Family & friends are stunned!
What do pirates in the Gulf of Eden eat for lunch ?
Somali sandwiches.
I was shocked to read in the papers today that a midget has been pickpocketed...
How could someone stoop so low...
No one wants to be as dumb as a rock
but everyone wants to be as smart as ein Stein
Monster movie in which the gill man learns to stir fry.
The Creature Woks Among Us
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents go to work?
To day scare
This is my cake day joke
It has layers
Where do Zombies Usually Live?
Dead ends.
Our hearts go out....
To all the autopsy surgeons in the world.
Have you heard of the benefits of dried grapes?
Im all about raisin awareness.