Did you know that Spider-Man has a Winter jacket made out of flatbread?
It's a Pita Parka

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods.
But harder to deter gents.

where do you find Bigfoot in the library?
in the large print section

My wife looked out the window and asked, How did you finally get our lawn to grow like that? I said, Every morning this week, I sprinkled my protein powder on the wet grass.
She nodded. Ah well that was whey over dew.

Job interview
A guy is interviewing for a job at a factory. During the interview, he spots a dime on the floor across the room, walks over and picks it up.
The interviewer says, "You know what, I think you'd make a great boss here."
Surprised, the guy asks, "Why's that?"
The interviewer says because you have super vision skills.

Rice-shaped pasta? Doesn't exist
Orzo I thought.

I'm really good at spelling bees
Bees B E E S bees

Why is Apple's new folding phone a cracking good deal?
Because the price is great, but the design is completely unhinged.

I crossed cheetah and crab DNA.
It went sideways really fast.

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer
.

Thereisnospacebar.

Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter

IT IS MILDLY SHOCKING that those who call themselves a FLORIST,...
...know ABSOLUTELY nothing about installing linoleum.

Whats made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones

No one looks better than you in that reddish-orange dress.
Youre one in vermillion!

King Kong wasnt getting his point across to his fellow primates.
This is a monarchy! he barked. Not a Banana Republic!

My wife swears she can hear our baby from three miles away. I told her that's ridiculous.
Honestly, it's a far cry from the truth.

What do you call an irritable German?
A sauerkraut.

Did you hear about the Transformer who's move is to just play dead until the trouble blows over?
Opossumus Prime.

Due to inflation, my ADHD diagnosis has been changed
Now I have ADSD with ads

I made a joke about Sigmund Freud.
But some people are too Jung to understand it.

Wife: Why dont you tell me anything anymore?
Husband: I have updated my privacy policy

Who designs all the buildings in the oceans?
Sharkitects.

What's the worst series to make a Lego version of?
One Piece

Overlooked...
The invisible man goes to the doctors' office and the doctor says " I'm sorry, I can't see you right now..."