I used to know a baker who had red hair.
He was a ginger bread man.
Is this sub still active?
There hasn't been any posts all year.
One Sunday afternoon approached her priestFather, she said, I have a terrible problem. I own two female parrots and they only know how to say one thing.
The priest raised an eyebrow. And what do they say?
The woman sighed, embarrassed.
They say, Hi, were hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
The priest nearly choked. Thats outrageous! he exclaimed. But after a moment of thought, his face lit up.
Actually I may have a solution. You see, I have two male parrotsFrancis and Job. Theyre very devoted birds. They pray, read the Bible, even hold rosary beads. If we put your parrots in with mine, Im sure my boys will set a good example. With time, your parrots will learn to worship instead of well, advertise.
The womans face brightened. Oh, Father, thank you! This could really work.
The next day, she brought her parrots to the rectory. Sure enough, Francis and Job were in their cage, rosary beads clutched in their claws, eyes closed in deep prayer.
The priest smiled proudly as the woman placed her two parrots into the cage. For a moment, all was peaceful. Then, suddenly, the females squawked in unison:
Hi, were hookers! Do you want to have some fun?
The room went dead silent.
Slowly, Francis opened one eye, glanced at Job, and said:
Put the rosaries away, Frank our prayers have been answered!
I was at a PETA protest and I saw a new woman there.
I never saw herbivore
I bought a universal remote today.
This changes everything.
How do you make a pirate angry?
Remove the p
When do the jokes you tell as a kid evolve into becoming Dad Jokes?
When you become a groan-up.
Someone sent me flowers at work. The card only said -Glands.
Must be a secrete admirer.
How much do pirates pay for earrings?
One buck an ear.
How does the daddy electron watch his baby electron?
By keeping an ion him.
I don't get why NYC gets so much attention for its New Year's Eve celebration.
Every single year, they drop the ball.
What do you call the highest point of a mountain?
I dont know, dont acme.
What prehistoric animal was the first to forage every morning?
The crackodon.
Why do so few people around the world know about the clever, shape-shifting Norse god?Because he was Loki.
Why did his brother avoid him after their last contest?
He was a Thor loser.
I'm not sure I'd ever date a witch.
Well, maybe just for a spell.
The lady I married always has a knife, a cork screw and a scissors. She can also open a beer bottle with her teeth.
Shes my Swiss Army Wife.
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?"
The rabbit replies, "I don't know. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
KNOCK, KNOCK! Whos there? ANSWER! Answer who?
ANSWER NO ANTS, WERE HAVING A PICNIC!
What do you call a cold canine
A chili dog
Most people would say Henry the Eighth was the bloodiest British king,
but I think it would have to be Henry IV
Why didn't a cat buy new clothes?
Because she had a hissy fit
Recently went on a relaxing vacation in Cali.
Had my best sleep in Napa Valley.
When we got a call that our neighbors car was stuck in the snow, I said, Ill be right there! and started wrapping myself in pita bread and slathering on tzatziki. My wife said, Babe, please stop
you dont have to be a gyro.
I boiled a funny bone last night
And had a laughing stock
Make sure you reach out to everyone you know today
You havent spoken to them since last year