RIPIts with great sadness i have to announce the death of dad joke regular poster Gavin, who has passed away following a sudden and severe attack of indigestion.
The rumours are true......Gav is gone!
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle on my father's side, once removed.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day
teach a man to fish, he'll waste hundreds of dollars on equipment he'll only use a few times a year.
A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbit walk intothe Red Cross to donate blood.
The nurse asks, do you know your blood type?
The rabbit says, i'm probably a Type O
My mother doesn't trust my father's secretary. I asked why
"I've seen her type before" she said.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
nobody nose!
I matched with a woman who had no arms or legs. For our first date, we agreed that I could pick her up at 8.
By the end of the night, my arms were exhausted.
What do you call an apprentice Jedi?
A wookie.
Three animals walk into a bar, but only two get ID'd by the bouncer.
He was ignoring the elephant in the room.
My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards
I asked him y not
What do you say when a hydra race is close as they approach the finish line?
They're neck and neck and neck and neck and neck and neck . . .
What do you call a whale with one side?
A Moby-us strip
Why did the vampire buy the entire supply of cough drops?
Because he was coffin every day!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
No one ever helps me extend the table length at Thanksgiving.
I guess they prefer I leave it alone.
What would happen if you had a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels?
It wooden start.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right!
I got my bird a new cage, but I don't think he likes it.
He just keeps saying "cheap, cheap, cheap!"
what do youwhat do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
-canabanalism!
Why is Buzz Aldrin afraid to fight the octopus?
The octopus eight arm strong.
Microsoft's teams have been working tirelessly in order to fix
Microsoft Teams
Our first dinner date was going so well: we had so much in common, she said I was even cuter in person, and she laughed at my terrible jokes. But then the waiter brought out the live crabs she ordered
Thats when things started to go sideways.
What would a restaurant for children having their first solid food be named?
Wean-Age Tasteland
what do you call old newspaper?
oldspaper...
I got an elevator to the sixteenth floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son.""Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!"
He said: No, but I brought you up, didn't I?".