My doctor told me its normal to get aroused and even ejaculate during a prostate exam
Still, I wish he hadnt

The famous singer Sting has been kidnapped
The Police have no lead.

Wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Husband: Can we change the subject?
Wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you".

Where did Phil Collins record all of his greatest albums?
In the Stu Stu Studio.

I remember when everyone looked at me because I was half human and half horse
I was the centaur of attention

What did the parallelogram say when he got on public transit
oh no I got on the rhombus!

Difference between a bad hunter and a constipated owl ?
A bad hunter can shoot but can't hit

A constipated owl can hoot but can't.....

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game...
Einstein, Pascal, and Newton were playing a game of hide and seek.

Pascal and Newton are the first to hide while Einstein starts counting. While Einstein is counting, Pascal runs away to find the most obscure hiding spot he can. Newton pulls out a piece of chalk and draws a square with sides 1m long on the ground right in front of Einstein. When he's finished, he stands right in the middle of it and waits.

Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes and sees Newton right in front of him. "Ah ha! I found Newton."

Newton replies "No, you found 1 Newton in 1 square metre. You actually found 1 Pascal."

Why didnt the bicycle drink alcohol?
Couldnt handle bars.

Last January I saw a sign at REI.
"This is the winter of our discount tents."

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?
Because if they fell forwards theyd fall into the boat.

If two vegans quarrel with each other...
Is that still considered a beef?

Im done with zombies on TV shows.
Theyre dead to me.

I didn't like the mirror my wife bought
But after much reflection I think we should keep it

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle
Attire

I asked the librarian if they had any books that could help me manage my paranoia.
"They're right behind you," she whispered.

I've got a question for you all, but if you know the answer, don't shout out.
What's the opposite of in?

What do you call a man with a two-inch penis?
Justin

Our entire calendar is based around when jesus was born
Seriously, we count years starting from his birth, without him we wouldn't have a point to fix our calendar from.

Jesus was born for our since

The Nurse's Dreaded Words:
After a prostate exam, the doctor leaves and a nurse enters with a worried look. She whispers the words no man wants to hear: "Who the hell was that guy?".

My dad told me that everyones so scared by this salad stomach bug..
Even the church stopped saying Let us Pray

Did you watch the news tonight? There was some weird head lice outbreak at the local police station.
Investigators were left scratching their heads.

When I was young I only dated caterpillars.
They always gave me butterflies

What do skinny jeans and the Whitehouse have in common?
No ballroom...

What kind of cake does a baseball player eat?
A bunt cake!