Did you know that bees are actually allergic to pollen?
They develop hives...

Apparently you can't use 'beefstew' as a password.
It's not stroganoff.

A little writing advice for this sub: Dad jokes must include the letters D and S.
Otherwise, its just a joke.

So excited!! Today I went to the OREO website
I hit the Accept all cookies Now we wait.

The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.
The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.

RIP Pam Flett, and her husband, Lee.

St. Peter is up in Heaven and walking down the hallway when he passes Gods office, only to find God burying his head in his hands. Whats wrong? St. Peter asks, You look really upset.
I am really upset, God says, Im in love with an atheist and she doesnt even know I exist.

2 guys were arrested for stealing a calendar
They each got 6 months

Just when you thought vegetables couldn't play sports
salad bowls

Father Alvin
Ministering to Las Vegas, the Sin City, is a difficult task for any priest, but Father Alvin took to the task with dedication. Occasionally, gamblers would not even bother to cash out at the casino, and would instead deposit chips directly into the collection plate.

This left the priest to having to sort them between the various casinos to then exchange for money, and thus to be able to continue the work of the church - helping the poor and so on. But as his church grew, the Father had to spent more and more time sorting and less time ministering to his church. This led him to write to the dioceses for help.

A local monastery was tasked to aid him. The monks would sort and count, and deliver bundles for turn in to each casino to the Father. The church grew and its good works grew as well, assisting the local community, all due to the good work of Father Alvin and the chip monks.

Why couldnt the rigatoni get into the apartment?
Gnocchis!

My wife beamed with pride and said "I never thought our son would go so far!".
I said, "Yeah this trebuchet thing is amazing! Go get our daughter."

My can opener is broken.
Now it's a can't opener.

What electronic payment service has the Catholic Church started using for donations and tithes?
PaPal.

[META] What is up with the bots in this sub?
Like seriously, in every post there's that one newly-created account commenting the most ChatGPT-esque response to a joke, and it's starting to get annoying.

What is going on here?

What city is in the middle of czechoslovakia . . . four letters
Oslo

Im on the Paleo Diet. Theres a restaurant nearby owned by a guy named Leo after I eat
I pay Leo.

I asked my wife, if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes.
All the others had been nine or tens.

I asked my depressed friend if he wanted to do a crossword with me
He was 2 Down

What do you call a bee in U.S.?
USB!

What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on.

What do non-binary donkeys use for pronouns?
He/Haw

I gave my three-year-old a book of puns for his birthday, but my wife snatched it away, saying, You cant give this to a toddler!
Apparently, its a joking hazard.

What do you call a toothbrush that can clean twice as well?
A fourthbrush.

Did you hear about the two rowboats that got into an argument?
It was an oar-deal.

I didn't think orthopedic shoes were for me.
But I stand corrected.