What do you call a Mexican who hates protein powder?
No Whey Jose....
What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye-deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
Why dont bears wear shoes?
Because they prefer bear feet!
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness
My frustrated wife said the store was completely sold out of tampons. So I went to the back, spoke with the staff, and came out with a new box. She said, How in the world did you manage to get those?
I pulled a few strings.
What's a lion's favourite way to cook?
Trick question, they eat everything roar.
I would tell a joke about a paper.
but it's tear-able.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
I couldn't stay awake in shop class -- the teacher made me memorize a bunch of useless information on power tools.
Until he kept drilling it into my head!
Why was 10 so scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9 11
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, Do you have any books on Pavlovs dog and Schrdingers cat?
She replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not.
What do you call a fear of many overly complicated apartments in a group?
A complex complex complex!
Breaking: The CEO of IKEA has been elcted Prime Minister of Sweden
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend
I fell in love with my power saw
But it wasnt reciprocating
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
I was vacationing on an island in Alaska, and I thought I saw an eye doctor.
It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
That donation box was covered with crumbs
Because Don-ate here
Im trying to think of an underwear joke
. but I dont have any clean ones.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
Starting a funeral home from scratch, without any employees or equipment...
... is a massive undertaking that really weighs heavy on me but that I'm still dead serious about.
My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married.
Thats a lot of near Mrs.
What do you call a sarcastic prisoner going down stairs?
A condesending Con Decending.....
What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle
It really is
Did you hear about the guy who invented the Lifesaver?
They say he made a mint.