At a divorce paper signing...
WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app
MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places
WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict
MAN: It was a wookie mistake
WOMAN: Just sign it
MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing a game of hide and seek.Einstein starts counting: "One, two, three..."
Pascal runs off and hides behind a large bush.
Newton, however, just stands there. He takes out a piece of chalk, draws a square on the ground exactly one meter by one meter, and steps inside it.
Einstein finishes counting, opens his eyes, and sees Newton immediately. "Aha! I found you, Newton!" he shouts.
Newton smiles and shakes his head. "No, you didn't. You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!".
This girl on tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.
I told her Im looking for matches.
Remember, there are 10 types of people in the world,
those who understand binary and those who don't.
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
Cheese pizza is the best pizza.
You cant top it.
A forester is walking through the forest and a tree yells, Stop! You cant cut me down, Im a talking tree!
The forester responds, Yeah, and youll dialogue.
Which Jedi is best at delivering babies?
OBi GYN
Why does my grandmother only put 239 beans in her famous bean soup?
If she put one more bean it would be two farty
A clown held the door open for me yesterday
It was a nice jester
Why does Costco keep all of their seafood in one section?
Efishency
The therapist asked the wife why she wanted to end her marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars Day puns.
The husband looked at the therapist and said, Divorce is strong with this one!
I went to an alien orgy last night.
I dont know what came over me.
The Alabama pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
Why couldn't Darth Vader ever find love?
He was looking in Alderaan places.
Did you get a hair cut?
No! I got them all cut.
There is only 3 types of people in this world
Those that can count and those that cant
Two! Four! Six! Eight! Who do we appreciate?
Even numbers! Yay!
What kind of chips do sandals like?
Free toes
My friends and family said I'd never make the grade as an electrician.
well,I did and and now they are really shocked.
Do you know why the melons chose a traditional church wedding?
Because they can't elope.
Why do monsters love to eat people named William?
Because they willi-yummy
When you pat a dogs head it will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Make it bark
How much memory does it take to store a joke?
One gigglebyte
What's a mandalorian's favourite drink?
Boba tea!