A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbit walk intothe Red Cross to donate blood.
The nurse asks, do you know your blood type?
The rabbit says, i'm probably a Type O
I matched with a woman who had no arms or legs. For our first date, we agreed that I could pick her up at 8.
By the end of the night, my arms were exhausted.
My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards
I asked him y not
Three animals walk into a bar, but only two get ID'd by the bouncer.
He was ignoring the elephant in the room.
What do you call a whale with one side?
A Moby-us strip
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right!
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day
teach a man to fish, he'll waste hundreds of dollars on equipment he'll only use a few times a year.
what do youwhat do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
-canabanalism!
Our first dinner date was going so well: we had so much in common, she said I was even cuter in person, and she laughed at my terrible jokes. But then the waiter brought out the live crabs she ordered
Thats when things started to go sideways.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
I got an elevator to the sixteenth floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son.""Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!"
He said: No, but I brought you up, didn't I?".
Why is Buzz Aldrin afraid to fight the octopus?
The octopus eight arm strong.
What's heavier, butane or water?
Water, because butane is a lighter fluid.
What moves faster, heat or cold?Heat, because it's easy to catch a cold.
Thanks, u/SpareMushrooms
Where does a cow go to have some fun?
The a moos ment park
What do you say when a hydra race is close as they approach the finish line?
They're neck and neck and neck and neck and neck and neck . . .
Microsoft's teams have been working tirelessly in order to fix
Microsoft Teams
If Mexican restaurants have Taco Tuesday, what do Vietnamese restaurants have?
Pho-riday
I got false teeth on a payment plan.
It's indentured servitude.
What do you call a blind German?
A not-see.
When Princess Leia felt cold, her brother pulled her into an embrace to warm her up. When he asked if he she felt any warmer
She said she felt lukewarm.
What did Grant's Tomb tell the Lincoln Monument?
The only good pigeon is a constipated pigeon.
The hipster burned his tongue, when he drank his coffee.
He drank coffee before it was cool.
DinoHow does a English man invite a Dinosaur for launch?
- Tea, rex?
The surgeon came out and said, Look, I have good news and I have bad news about your son. The bad news is its impossible remove the abacus from his stomach, so his abdomen will forever look absolutely disgusting.
The good news is, its whats on the inside that counts.