Is Buttcheeks one word?
Or, should you spread them apart?
What does a mortician and an electrician have in common?
They're both shocked when they touch a live one.
Pagliachi feels a lot of pain when he sits down, and he's worried he has hemorrhoidsHe goes to the hospital, and the attendant says
'Please state your medical request and your name'
He replies
'Butt doctor, I am Pagliachi'
Captain Kirk was going to release a line of lingerie
But the marketing people told him that Shatner panties probably wouldn't sell all that well.
Captain Kirk has 3 ears
His right ear, his left ear and his final front ear.
A man who was in court for stealing a bag was sentenced in just 3 minutes
It was a briefcase.
My wife doesnt like my obsession with Phil Collins music
But I, I don't mind
What kind of water does a cat drink?
Purrrified water
Marvel.
How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms?
The experiment altered his jeans.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asked the other, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
The other replies, "I've always been a huge metal fan."
My friend asked me to help round up his 37 sheep.
I said 40.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles
My next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.
Im friends with electricians
We have a real connection
Why cant you just throw morning moisture in jail?
Its entitled to dew process.
Time for some knock knock jokes...Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesnt work, can you let me in?
----
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peep hole and find out.
----
Knock, knock.
Whos there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita use the bathroom, please open the door!
----
Knock, knock.
Whos there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore wasnt opened so I knocked.
----
Knock, knock.
Whos there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice joke get any worse?
We all might be thinking vegetables dont use phones or can make calls....
Until the onion rings
I really dont like taking those metal domes off dinner plates
Im closhtraphobic
My grandfather got his tongue shot off in the war.
But he never talked about it.
What does an explosive ghost say?
Bamboo.
What do you call a bird with a bad cough?
A phlegmingo
Son to dad: "I'm thirsty."
Dad to son: "Well, water you waiting for?"
My dad is constantly using words that he thinks he knows, but doesn't.
Like, every other word in a malapopism.
My customers have no sense of humor
Customer: Do you have any more thyme?
Dad-joke reply: Well I hope soIm only 19
my ADHD is so severe...
it's AD8K