Iran just created their own version of Sesame Street. Everything's the same, all the characters are the same, except the Count von Count has been replaced...
...with the Ayatollah Howmany.

I used to have an uncontrollable obsession with buying large boats.
Thankfully, the antibuyyachtics worked.

Why did Mr. Information file for divorce?
Because so many people were spreading Ms. Information.

Did you hear about the murder at IKEA?
Yeah, the police are still piecing it together

Joke 3.14159
In Jamaica, an apple pie costs $3.50 .

In Barbados, a cherry pie costs $4.25 .

In Trinidad, a meat pie costs $5.00 .

Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean. ,

My family recently discovered Grandpa is taking Viagra
We were all rather surprised, but Grandma has been taking it hard

My garden gnome was upset when he didnt win Yard Decoration Of The Year. But
He wasnt even gnomenated.

Press saying that criminal got away when the rope broke during his hanging
Fake noose I say.

To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now.

To the man who stole my Owl Costume
I'd be looking over my shoulder, if I were you.

Root beer.
I accidentally poured my root beer into a square glass.

Now its just beer.

Need jokes for my "dad" costume.
I'm planning on dressing up as a dad for halloween. (I'm a girl btw)

I'm going to be getting a fake mustache, the cargo shorts, a baseball cap, and a white pair of sneakers that I'm going to scuff with green paint so they look like they have grass stains.

I plan on calling everyone "sport", "champ" and "kiddo", and telling dad jokes every chance I get.

Here is where you guys come in! Please tell me your favorite dad jokes so I can have a bunch of great ones memorized and ready to go, and if you have any extra recommendations for my outfit, please feel free to chime in.

There's a gang going through our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order ...
The police believe they're still at large.

What do you call a little boy who is half French and half Scottish?
A oui lad.

I was gonna tell a joke about how bad the service at that restaurant was,
But I figured the punchline would take too long to arrive.

I was sitting on my toilet when it notified me: "I've resigned effective immediately."
Apparently it couldn't take my crap anymore.

What did the elephant ask the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?

Did you hear about the guy that got hit in the head with a can of pop?
Don't have to worry about him, it was a soft drink.

Did you hear about the cabinet maker who would cut corners to satisfy his demanding boss?
It was his coping mechanism.

All E-books are cowards
They're spineless

I sell imaginary houses.
Im an unrealtor.

What do you call a line of men outside a shop waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.

Turns out churches have to report their membership numbers to order new furniture
Sum assembly required

What payment method do worms like to use?
Apple Pay