My family recently discovered Grandpa is taking Viagra
We were all rather surprised, but Grandma has been taking it hard

To the person who stole my place in the queue.
I'm after you now.

Why did Mr. Information file for divorce?
Because so many people were spreading Ms. Information.

What do you call a little boy who is half French and half Scottish?
A oui lad.

All E-books are cowards
They're spineless

What do you call a line of men outside a shop waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.

A boy is getting ready to take his date to the prom.
First he goes to rent a tux, but theres a long tux line at the store and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and theres a huge flower line there. He waits a long time but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, theres a large limo line at the rental office, but hes patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and theres no punchline.

Need jokes for my "dad" costume.
I'm planning on dressing up as a dad for halloween. (I'm a girl btw)

I'm going to be getting a fake mustache, the cargo shorts, a baseball cap, and a white pair of sneakers that I'm going to scuff with green paint so they look like they have grass stains.

I plan on calling everyone "sport", "champ" and "kiddo", and telling dad jokes every chance I get.

Here is where you guys come in! Please tell me your favorite dad jokes so I can have a bunch of great ones memorized and ready to go, and if you have any extra recommendations for my outfit, please feel free to chime in.

I kept hearing a loud jet engine every time I opened my bagel
Turns out it was plane cream cheese

Despite having the word 'quit' in its name
Mosquitos are very persistent

I'm thinking of opening a zoo
I'll need 12 koalas, 5 pandas, and at least 1 grizzly. That's the bear minimum

I tried to tell the cashier a joke!
But it didnt seem to register!

I sell imaginary houses.
Im an unrealtor.

The heat-wave is pretty intolerable, but it's just the start.
If we're not careful it could be a heat-hug next time, maybe even a heat-why-dont-you-come-inside.

Look, I know its tempting, but lets avoid making any jokes about war.
They tend to bomb.

What did the elephant ask the naked man?
How do you breathe out of that thing?

Did you hear about the murder at IKEA?
Yeah, the police are still piecing it together

How did the financially challenged trigonometry teacher get a loan?
They had someone cosine.

In England it's called a lift, but in America it's called an elevator.
I guess people are just raised differently.

Why does Santa have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year

How does a redhead answer a loaded question?
Gingerly

My friend told me he could throw a tennis ball 100 yards and his dog would run to get it and bring it back. I said i dont know..
that seems pretty far fetched!

My husband asked if I knew the name of our galaxy. I said Milky Way. Then I asked if he knew the name of our son.
Its Jack.

I tried to climb a really tall tower in France!
But Eiffel off!