Believe it or not, my wifes the only one ive ever been with.
All the rest have been an eight or higher.

A couple had been spending money at such an alarming rate that they feared they wouldn't be able to afford their annual holiday.
The husband came up with a "brilliant" savings plan: every time they were intimate, he would put $20 into a large piggy bank.

A year later, the holiday season approached, and the husband finally cracked open the piggy bank to see how much they had collected. He was immediately puzzled. "Wait a minute," he said, "Every time we've been together, I've put in a $20 bill. But there are $50 and $100 bills in here! Where did these come from?"

His wife looked at him and sighed, "That's your troubleyou think everyone is as stingy as you!".

NASA sent a satellite into space to apologize to the aliens.
They named it APOLLO G

When my twins were being delivered, my daughter was born at 5 to midnight, but my son didnt follow right away.
The Dr. said Dont worry, the sonll come out, tomorrow.

The government is doing a experiment by giving marijuana to sea birds
They want to leave no Tern unstoned.

What do you call a caveman who doesn't know where he going?
Meanderthal

Where did the bowl of soup go to get laid?
A "Broth"el

Why do people in Athens hate mornings?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece

Whats E.T. short for?
Cuz hes got little legs.

What does a horny toad say?
"Rub it, rub it."

Whats a ghosts favorite type of sex?
Boo-ty calls.

Whats the last thing they do to a 'Tickle Me Elmo' before placing it in the box?
They give it two test tickles.

At 16, I was promoted to shift manager at Arbys. My dad knocked me down a peg, saying, Oh yeah? My first job, I STARTED with over 500 people below me! So I asked him what job that was
Mowing the lawn at the cemetery.

I've noticed cottage cheese isn't really cheese.....
It's just a-curd to me

My friend Terrence cant stop talking through the films we watch
We call him commenterry

What did the O say to the other O?
Ohio!

I fell in love with the rods in my bicycle tires as soon as I saw them.
They really spoke to me.

The average person is really
mean

Why does Tiger Woods wear two condoms?
In case he gets a hole in one

Local authorities have decided not to dig deeper into embezzlement claims at a local bait shop!
The reason, they were afraid they might be opening a can of worms.

Why did number 1break into the prison?
2,3,4

I feel bad for Greek vegans.
They'll never meat their gyros.

My archery company is going out of business
We just couldn't hit our targets

Ever heard of the movie constipation?
It never came out