I'd make a joke about Trump's promised $5000 tariff check
But I don't think anyone will get it.
What do you call an undercover shoe?
A sneaker
The first 3 letters of 'Sweden' and 'Denmark' spell out 'Sweden.'
The remaining letters spell out 'Denmark.'
I got kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant.
They bahn mi pho life.
Teacher ArrestedTeacher Arrested!
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference Attorney General Todd Blanche said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Director of National Intelligence Clayton said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House Director of Communications Cheung told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
I was on the train to work and the conductor told me he had to charge me extra for telling dad jokes.
I told him that's not fare.
In todays news, the White House has ordered that Artificial Intelligence be renamed Super Intelligence.
Officials are now debating whether kettles should be reclassified as steam engines.
The wind blew most of the stuff off my desk.
But my stacks of paper remained stationary.
What do you get when you cross a hippo, elephant and rhino?
H-eleph-ino!
Scientists have mated a cheetah with a crab!
Scientists have mated a cheetah with a crab! Its been reported that the experiment went sideways real fast!
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?
A private tooter. !<
What sound does a witches vehicle make when she revs it up?BROOM BROOM! BROOOOOOM!
Happy October peeps!
GRANDMA SHOWED ME the grape vineyard she USED to work at as a child.GRANDMA SHOWED ME the grape vineyard she USED to work at as a child.
She smiled when she said it was her "Old stomping grounds".
The inventor of Velcro passed away last week.
RIP.
I am absolutely terrible at darts
at least, thats what my daughter screams.
Billy Joel's clothes are still wet.
He didn't start the dryer.
The furniture store refused to paint my wooden table the way I wanted.
Fortunately, I was able to get a restaining order.
How does a hamburger maker introduce his spouse?
Meat Patty.
Whenever
Whenever you get a bad sausage it's just the wurst.
I'd give my right arm...
... to be ambidextrous.
Ant farm.
One of the ants on my ant farm dresses up as a clown to cheer up his friends.
He's an anti-depress ant.
I have a hard time with the alphabet.
I don't know Y.
Did you know that undead science is mostly practical?
It's largely based on vampirical evidence.
I don't like computer science jokes.
Not one bit.
Sadly, Mrs. Coffee is filing for divorce from Mr. Coffee.
Sadly, Mrs. Coffee is filing for divorce from Mr. Coffee. No one knows why, but apparently she had grounds.