What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER

My frustrated wife said the store was completely sold out of tampons. So I went to the back, spoke with the staff, and came out with a new box. She said, How in the world did you manage to get those?
I pulled a few strings.

I fell in love with my power saw
But it wasnt reciprocating

My friend has been engaged over 5 times but never married.
Thats a lot of near Mrs.

Im trying to think of an underwear joke
. but I dont have any clean ones.

Hey Siri, why am I so bad with women?
"I'm Alexa you idiot."

I got a job in a thermometer factory
Unfortunately, it's just temp work

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle
It really is

How do you get down from a moose?
You dont. You get down from a goose.

I was so broke one time I actually pick pocketed a midget. . .
Who knew I could stoop so low. . .

Today I saw a man standing on one leg in front of the ATM..
It looked like he was checking his balance.

I went to my friend's funeral
I asked his wife if I could say a word. She said sure.

I said "earth"

she said "that means the world to me"

Did you know that seaweed doesn't have male and female genders, like most other plants?
They're a part of the algaeBTQ.

What does a pickle do when it wins Olympic gold?
It relishes it.

The elevator in my office building makes supicious noises. Im pretty sure its part of a conspiracy
It goes all the way to the top

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

I only just found out Einstein was a real person
Everyone always called him a theoretical physicist

What do you call an Old Snowman ?
Water

How do you cook a wild chicken?!?
On a free range!

Obama revealed aliens exist so Trump announced they are going to release the UFO files. People have mainly reacted that this is to distract from the Epstein files
So thats a conspiracy to reveal a conspiracy to hide a conspiracy

Three conspiracies turning up at once that cant be a coincidence

Why did Ken show up to the 4th of July block party?
He heard there was a barbi-cue

I was supposed to draw a male cow, but I drew it as a female instead.
I made a Miss Steak.

My youngest child: Dad can you put my shoes on?
Me: No my feet are too big.

Why did the muffin fall down the stairs?
He was baked.

What did the buzzard bring on the airplane?
Carrion luggage.