In bed with a priest, a nun said, "Father, I never expected you'd have such a small organ".
He replied, "why, sister... I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral."

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he walked away he turned to the cadet & said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge, no sir! I promised myself when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

What do "Titanic" and "the 6th sense" have in common?
Icy dead people.

In my career as a lumberjack, I cut down exactly 82,546 trees.
I know that, because I kept a log.

What do you call a guy with no shins?
Tony

I told my son that we were having Himalayan rabbit stew for supper.
Sounds great he said, but where did you get that rabbit???

I found Himalayan on the side of the road!

My friend claims that doing a single yoga pose counts as a whole workout.
I think that's a bit of a stretch.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box

What kind of lighting did Noah use on the ark?
Flood lights.

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Mount Everest

What does a horny frog say?
Rub it

Know why you should not go for a cheap circumcision?
Because they are nothing but a rip off.

Why didnt the cannibal eat feet?
She didnt like bologna.

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian
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Did you hear about the guy who invented the "knock-knock" joke?
He won the "no-bell" prize.

Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.

Oregon trail
You met a man on the Oregon Trail.

His name is Terry.

You laugh and tell him "That's a girl name!"

Terry shoots you.

You have died of dissin' Terry.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claus-trophobic.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way!!

I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning.
I'm not allowed to have Sharpies in the house anymore.

Did you hear that human cloning is real?
When I found out, I was beside myself.

What kind of bees produce milk?
BOOBIESSS

Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings?
For all the party poopers!

What is the most arrogant body part?
Your vein!

Why do poor dogs chase their tails
Because they're trying to make ends meet