My son has finally surpassed his mom in heightStanding next to her, she said to him Youre six inches taller than me!
To which he replied If you think thats six inches, Dads been lying to you
(True story, happened yesterday. His timing was impeccable, and he had this great mixture of pride and utter embarassment)
I think we clearly have different ideas on what a dad joke is
I wouldnt repeat alot of the jokes showing up lately to any kid( regardless if how funny). I feel like weve lost our way. Im no purist but theres plenty of other reddits for those jokes. :/
What do you call one thousand Millie Bobby Browns
Bobby Brown
Can a ninja throw a ninja star?
Sure he can.
Ive started investing in stocks. Chicken, beef and vegetable. I know its risky
But with any luck, Ill become a bouillionaire
I told my son, Did you know when William the Conqueror took England that he made all the English lords get rid of the water around their castles so he could control them more easily. Did he really?
Yeh thats right. They were all de-moated.
My kid came out to me as trans and asked if I still accepted them for who they are. I told them quite clearly that I loved them no matter what they chose.
I was being transparent.
I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"I yelled back "I know all those letters!"
Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.
Knock Knock Who is it? Dishes Dishes who
Dishes a bad joke
Why did the painting go to jail?
It was framed!
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A woolly jumper
Why is a doctor always calm?
Because he has a lot of patients.
Why don't shrimp share?Because they're shellfish.
My 8yo daughter thought of that one tonight, after she accidentally said shellfish instead of selfish. Thought it was cute!
To be frank
I'd have to change my name.
What do you do when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?
You get two animals that are in a baaaaaad mooooood!
What starts with P ends in S, and drives women wild?
Puns
The guy remodeling my kitchen just got arrested!
Charged with counter-fitting.
What kind of regime would writers and novelists make if they won elections?
Authoritarian.
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids.
When I got home, they were still there.
They say that dogs bark up to 350 times a day.
Of course, that's just a ruff estimate.
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Because he can never, never land.
What type of fruit likes to go down slides?
A kiweeeeee!
What kind of ball doesn't bounce?
A snowball
You want to hear a forest joke?
Its wild.
What do they sing at Frosty the Snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!