My wife and I had been arguing about what color to paint our bedroomI wanted red, but she wanted white. We kept arguing to the point that we had to delay the project for days now.
This morning, she had to leave suddenly for an urgent business. She said she won't be back until tomorrow, so I decided to just go ahead and paint the bedroom. However, she expected that and hid all the brushes and rollers.
In my frustration, I decided to just use my hand directly. Little did I know that her urgent business was a lie. She had been hiding in the house and caught me red-handed.
What do you call a fish made of two sodium atoms?
2Na
Why did the show about the airplane get canceled?
Everybody hated the pilot
At dinner, I asked my date if there were any hobbies she wanted to get into. She said, Actually, there are quite a few, but first I want to learn ASL.
I said, Oh! 44/M/California.
What do you call a cow on the edge of a cliff?
Legendary
Why was the broom late?
It overswept.
Somebody told me the clothes Im wearing are gay.
I was like, well yeah, they just came out of the closet this morning!
I fell asleep while reading Great Expectations and dropped the book on my face.
It hurt like the dickens.
What do you call it when a stage actor becomes a spy?
Thespianage.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
A poultrygeist
RIPIts with great sadness i have to announce the death of dad joke regular poster Gavin, who has passed away following a sudden and severe attack of indigestion.
The rumours are true......Gav is gone!
I really enjoy jokes about thunderstorms.
Theyre good at lightning the mood.
What's blue but not as heavy?
Light blue.
I just dropped my iPhone in the lake.
Now it's syncing.
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle on my father's side, once removed.
A man jumped from a bridge in France.
In Seine.
What happens if rappers dont wear deodorant
They get b yo
I was going to come up with a joke about war in the Middle East
But I ran out of ideas.
What do you call four Muslim scholars
Fourmulla
Why dont eggs tell jokes?
Theyd crack each other up.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day
teach a man to fish, he'll waste hundreds of dollars on equipment he'll only use a few times a year.
My dad would never eat eggs Benedict at a restaurant because
Theres no place like home for the hollandaise.
Why was the boomer dad happy his kid became an Emo?
Because children should be scene and not herd.
My mother doesn't trust my father's secretary. I asked why
"I've seen her type before" she said.
What did the door say to the table?
I let people in, I keep people out, but providing support to my frame thats my jamb.