Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, theres a long break in the ledge they cant cross. Something for this I have. Yoda says.
He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yodas hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yodas garden.

Something I have for this. Yoda says again.

Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yodas home, where Yoda looks through his bag.

Hes used all his forks but one, he discovers.

Thats ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. Ill write us a note reminding us to buy more.

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

Master Yoda! he asks. What did I do wrong?

Yoda replies sagely, A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!

There was a shooting at the White House Correspondence Dinner tonight...
Kash Patel went running in because he heard there were free shots.

What has 10 letters and starts with GAS?
Automobile.

So Proud. Granddaughter (14) first Dad Joke.
So proud. Granddaughter made her first proper Dad joke. I asked her to take the bins out and she said.........Why I'm not dating them?

Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was nice enough, but the RECEPTION was fantastic!

The phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing...
...except when you're at a funeral.

So I went to a beekeeper and asked him for five bees, but he gave me six. I asked him "what's with the extra one?"
He answered "It's a freebie."

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords today
I had to ground him. Hes currently doing better, but he's still a bit shocked.

How does a Mother become single?
She moves Father away.

In an effort to be more progressive so I started listening to Nascar on the radio.
Now I dont see race.

I used to shave my head completely bald until I lost my razor.
I really hated it at first, but it's starting to grow on me.

Why are bartenders so good at their job?
they're always doing the beer minimum

When I get a headache I take two aspirin...
... and Keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's ok, he woke up.

Whats the best thing about Switzerland?
I dont know, but their flag is a big plus.

Someone glued my deck of cards together.
I don't know how to deal with it.

I'm considering buying a new mattress.
I'll have to sleep on it.

The citizens of Athens have always found it difficult to wake up early in the morning...
Dawn is tough on Greece.

What did the melon say when his grass looked too dry?
I guess its time to watermalawn.

Name a car that starts with P.
Plymouth, Porsche, Pontiac, Peugeot....

Wrong! They all start with gas!

I'm never donating blood again! They ask way too many questions...
Whose blood is this? Where did it come from? Why is it in a bucket?!

What do you call a herd of baby sheep rolling down the hill?
A lambslide.

My doctor recommended a brain transplant.
At first I said no but then I changed my mind.

My father wrote dozens of books about yoghurt.
He truly is a man of culture.

"Good job putting your shoes on by yourself, Love," I said, "but you have them on the wrong feet."
She looked down and replied with big innocent eyes, "But Grandma, I don't have any other feet!"