Remember to poop before midnight on dec 31
You dont want to be carrying the same $h!t into 2026.
Why doesn't the sun need to go to university?
Because it has 27 million degrees
I got lost while running a marathon in Sweden.
I knew it as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.
A man has been stealing wheels off cop cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Some rascal has swapped my porch light bulb with an LED!
I'm incandescent!
To the people that invented zero
thanks for nothing
shocking
My son stuck a fork in the electric outlet. he said it was a shocking experience. I told him not to do it again because that would be re-volting.
Two convicts escaped from maximum security. One is seven feet tall and the other only four feet.
The police want to assure the public that they are looking high and low to find them.
A clown walks into a bar looking tired. The bartender says, Is it hard work being a clown?
The clown says, Its no small feet.
There's a new movie coming out about mobile homes
You've got to see the trailer
How does Santa know which chimney he went down?
He keeps a log.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The mooooovies!
Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.
It's also their biggest import.
Why should you never trust people with constipation?
Because they are full of crap
How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?
You drive a tofu through their heart
Fun fact if a guy puts his foot in a bottle of coke itll explode?
Thats what happens when you mix soda and men toes
Invisible man lost his powers after getting his wife pregnant
At least he became a parent.
What do you call an unnamed moose?
Anonymoose.
The worst part about driving for Uber
all the people talking behind your back.
I tried to start a hide-and-seek league in my town.But it turns out
good players are hard to find.
Swimming with sharks isnt cheap
Can cost an arm and a leg.
Wanna know the one thing I can't deal with?
A deck of playing cards glued together. I can't deal with them.
I got interrogated by the Sheep Police
They gave me the good cop, baaaad cop routine.
Someone stole a toilet from the police station.
The cops there have nothing to go on.