A coma in a sentence can make a huge difference. For instance,
Lets eat, Bob.

has a completely different meaning from

Bob is in a coma.

A lady takes a man back to her place after a date. When they enter the house, 2 ferocious dogs approach him growling.
Timex and Rolex be nice to the guest she demanded. The dogs stopped growling. The man chuckled and asked, why in the world did you name your dogs Timex and Rolex?

Because theyre my watch dogs of course!

Who is bigger than Ariana Grande?
Ariana Venti

A man walks in to his therapy session with his psychiatrist and immediately takes of his shoes, socks, shorts and underwear and then lays down on the couch.
After a few awkward moments the man asks, Doctor am I crazy?

Well, I can clearly see your nuts replied the Doctor.

Why do ballerinas love the number four?
Tutus.

If you're looking for a new hobby, blindfolded hunting is incredibly underrated
You don't know what you're missing!

What group do racist chemists join?
The Potassium Potassium Potassium

A grammar book walks into a bar
* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a bar.

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar.
In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a clich walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony .

Jill Thomas Doyle

Today I saw a man with no limbs rob a bank today.
The police report said that he was unarmed.

After mymeal, the waiter asked me "sir, how did you find the steak"?
I said "easily, it was next to the potatoes"

A band teacher was giving a quiz to her class in which you had to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.
She started with the easy clues: "Comedian"

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players said immediately.

Then the teacher eent to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responded instantly.

Pleased with the results she was getting, the teacher decided to go to the hardest clue in the list:

Eight naked women are standing in a line. The first, third, and fifth women are facing you, and the other women are facing away from you."

Not two seconds later, a trombone player answered, The William Tell Overture!"

The teacher looked at the answer key and the trombone player was right.

She asked him, How did you get that so quickly?

m
He said,
"Titty rump
Titty rump
Titty rump rump rump.

My friend said, "Can I ask a stupid question?"
And I replied, "Better than anyone I know."

Library.
I walked into a library and asked, Do you have any books on shelving?

The librarian said,
Yes all of them.

Knock knock
Whos there
Ouija
Ouija who?
Ouijas open the door already?

She was only a whisky maker
But he loved her still

What did the board game store owner...
Say when the police complimented her for chasing down a thief?

"Meh, it was a Trivial Pursuit."

I hate the fact that grizzly bears are unable to communicate with me
its unbearable

You have all heard this one, but my pride compels me to share this.
My shy 8 y/o came up to me today and asked me what makes a joke a dad joke.

Do I need the punch line?

2 Week Notice
People keep telling me that I should 'grow up', or 'be more serious'. To demonstrate my maturity and new-found approach to life, I put in my two week notice at work.

Everyone (even the boss) has been much more respectful, tolerant, and downright nice to me this past month!

Why do mimes dress in stripes like prisoners?
Theyve been convicted of unspeakable things

Did you hear about the Wu-Tang Clan member who found Jesus?
Now he goes by Methodist Man

A swimmer was asked what her favourite stroke was
She replied The one that killed Margaret Thatcher

My dad was a conjoined twin.
We referred to him as my uncle on my fathers side. Dont worry, they were surgically separated so now hes my uncle once removed.

I was fishing last week and my entire 200 yards of fishing line disconnected from my casting/ cranking device.
It was truly an unreel experience.