I met a genie once. He gave me one wish. I said I wish I could be you.
The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."
Where do rappers keep their vegetables?
In the beet box.
Finally - I got an amused smile from my wife after a Dadjoke/PunWe were on a bushwalk today and for several dozen meters I farted audibly - perfectly in synch with each step.
I commented, Fart, Step, Fart, Step, Fart, Step .. Then paused and said, I guess that makes me a step-farter
(I am actually a step-father to her adult kids, so it seemed extra appropriate)
She actually gave an amused smile, when she normally groans or refuses to respond. Finally - a win!! Yes
I used to have a car with wooden body, wooden tires, wooden seats and wooden lights.
But I got rid of it, because it wooden start.
Why was Sauron not as dark as Melkor?
Because Melkor was Morgoth
What did Zelensky tell his pet bird?
Glory to you, crane!
I lost my job at the bank on my first day.
an old woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
The other day I was out on a boat when a giant squid appeared and tried to make me laugh.
It was kraken jokes!
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
What is wrong with these guys?! Theyre terrible!
The caddy nearby says,
Oh, you didnt hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.
The priest bows his head and says,
Thats so tragic Ill say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says,
I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.
The golfer pauses, then says
Why cant they just play at night?
For now, Im giving up on geometry jokes.
Ill circle back later.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle?
Attire.
I told my doctor that I broke my leg in three places..
He said you probably need to stay away from those places..
Did you hear about the microsurgeon who enjoyed performing quick surgeries on insects?
He has also done one on the fly.
They added a third sail to that tall ship.
Now it gets more miles per galleon!
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
My sister is a bartender. She just broke up with her boyfriend..
But he keeps asking her for another shot
What kind of onion can bust a rhyme?
A rapscallion!
Where should you store your dad jokes?
In a dadda base.
I hear the Shah of Persia runs his palace on Windows NT. But in the harem?
Only Unix allowed inside.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian.
My boss said to me today, Youre the worst train driver ever. How many trains have you derailed so far?
I said its hard to keep track
How do you make antifreeze?
Just steal her blanket.
Not to brag or anything, but I made six figures last year.
I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.
Im an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
Its always been my special tea.
What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.