I'm starting a vibrator repair service.
I'm calling it "Inspect Her Gadget."
Why didn't Noah fish when he was on the Ark?
Because he only had two worms
I have a joke for all you mind readers out there:
...pretty good right?
Yall heard about the reverse exorcism the other day?
the devil was tryna pull the priest out of a little boy
What is the difference between people from Abu Dhabi and the people from Dubai?
People from Dubai dont watch the Flintstones, but the people from Abu Dhabi do.
What is it called when a banana eats another banana?
Cannibananabalism.
The Earth is 70% water, and it's not carbonated.
So the Earth really is flat.
Did you ever hear about the guy that only sings when the cars in reverse?
Turns out hes a backup singer.
Why did the baker become a thief
he needed the dough
When I was a kid, bedtime was 9:30 pm. I couldn't wait to be a grownup so I could go to bed anytime I wanted.
Turns out that is 9:30 pm.
What do you call a cannibal who works at a university?
Hannibal Lecturer
Astronaut
What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park your car in it man.
Karma.
Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve.

I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, By mistake?
I shouted, Oh come on! Not you too!
A very old joke my dad (RIP) told me about 50 years ago
What did the driver say to the hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and only 1 leg?

"Aye, aye, aye, you look 'armless - - 'op in!"

People said Id never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.
But take a look at me now.
Emergency Joke
Little Johnny calls the fire department.

"Help! Help! My house is on fire!!!"

The operator speaks calm and slow, "I can help you and your house, but I need to know how to get to you house."

Little Johnny sighs, "You could use those big red trucks."

April showers bring May Flowers but what do May flowers bring.,,
Pilgrims!
Just started a counterfeit company.
It was slow at first but now Im making good money!
Why did the French chef put on sweatpants
He wanted to get confit
The young comedian
A young comedian had been struggling to get laughs anywhere he went.

One day, an older comic told him about a small gig at a local retirement home.

Now dont expect much, he said. A lot of the folks there have memory problems.

Still, the young comedian took the job and showed up nervous as could be.

He told his first joke and the room burst into laughter.

It felt amazinghis confidence shot right up.

Then he remembered what the older comic had said.

So he told the same joke again and they laughed even harder.

Pretty soon, he just kept repeating it over and over.

The crowd loved itbig laughs every single time.

In the back of the room, one older gentleman sat quietly, watching him closely.

The comedian never noticed and finished his whole set the same way.

As he was leaving, the man in the back stopped him.

Son, Ive got to ask you something, he said.

How in the world do you remember all those jokes?

I recently adopted a dog from a blacksmith
As soon as we got home he made a bolt for the door
Your feet hurt because...
you are kicking so much butt!
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain
My friend asked me what's up
I told him it was a Pixar movie about an old man, a kid and a house that flies using balloons.