How do you get down from a moose?
You dont. You get down from a goose.

The elevator in my office building makes supicious noises. Im pretty sure its part of a conspiracy
It goes all the way to the top

If Natalie Portman dated Zachary Quinto
Their celebrity couple name would be Portmanto.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhe-saurus

I was walking past a farm with a sign saying "Duck, Eggs"....
I thought the comma was unnecessary, and then it hit me.

My dad married a chicken.
She's not my real mom, so I call her Stephen.

Did you know that seaweed doesn't have male and female genders, like most other plants?
They're a part of the algaeBTQ.

what happens when someone slaps you at high frequency?
it Hertz

Why did the sushi chef sound bad?
He was out of tuna

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"
The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

Anyone know if you can provide a skin graft from your own butt?
Ass skin for a friend.

So a frog got his DNA tested
Turns out he's part Irish, part German, and a tad pole.

I was shocked to find out there's another word for canning
It was jarring

My friend visited and ate all the cheese and yogurt in the fridge.
How dairy?

Dont trust anyone who plays a a lot of chess
They have a chequered past

Im convinced my dad invented the paper shredder
But I cant find any evidence

How many Blue Whales live in the ocean?
All of them.

Little kid joke.
I came up with it in about 4th grade, I'm 62 now. What did the old Drill Press say to the new one?

This is a Boring job.

Did you hear about the zookeeper who fell into the big cat enclosure?
He died in the lion of duty.

I was told to take my car in for a service on Sunday.....
But I couldn't get it through the church doors.

An employee made a joke
It was an excel-lent joke

What does a cold drink?
Cough-ee

Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
It was craving a well balanced meal.

My wife says I only hear what I want.
Then she went on an on about something or other.

The inventor of the lozenge died
As per his request, there will be no coffin.