The ousted Nvidia CEO has been linked to three women !...
Now thats parallel processing!

When Princess Leia felt cold, her brother pulled her into an embrace to warm her up. When he asked if he she felt any warmer
She said she felt lukewarm.

If Mexican restaurants have Taco Tuesday, what do Vietnamese restaurants have?
Pho-riday

Microsoft still struggling with outages
The Outlook is not good.

The surgeon came out and said, Look, I have good news and I have bad news about your son. The bad news is its impossible remove the abacus from his stomach, so his abdomen will forever look absolutely disgusting.
The good news is, its whats on the inside that counts.

What's heavier, butane or water?
Water, because butane is a lighter fluid.

I don't know why everyone's so angry at the NVIDIA CEO.
As far as I can tell, he's just minding his own affairs.

Today, the US Mint will officially mint the last US penny and will no longer produce them in the future.
This makes no cents.

Looking at the way I dress, you wouldn't suspect I was a millionaire
And you'd be right to think that

People keep complaining that I overuse contractions.
Oh well. It's what it's!

Microsofts email system is down and they dont know when itll be restored.
Their outlook is really bad.

I got an elevator to the sixteenth floor, and as I got out, the operator said, "Have a good day, son."
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad!"

He said: No, but I brought you up, didn't I?".

Where in Italy are you most likely to find an elephant?
Tusk-any.

Does your wife always sleep on her stomach?
Yes, shes prone to do that

I went to my first Pride parade. What a disappointment.
Not a single lion anywhere!

What do you call a prostitution scam?
A booby trap

How does a T. Rex know if it has worked out too hard?
He is dina-sore

What do you call someone who paints a Mongolian king?
A Khan artist

I went to the urgent care clinic today. While there, a male nurse asked me if I wanted a pamphlet.
I said, "Yeah, bro... Sure."

How many elephants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know. I've never managed to fit two elephants into a lightbulb.

(Just thought of this. I'm so sorry and I'll see myself out)

What did the fly do when he got really sick?
He flu.

I just got an email about how to read maps backwards
It was SPAM

I once knew a horse who tried to be a prostitute for a night.
She was a real one-trick pony.

What do the Spice Girls and Microsoft have in common
No male

Where do Italians swim?
The Gabapool!