Went to an airshow today, and saw a RedBull stunt plane going all out. I pointed it out to my nephew who immediately came at me with...It used to be a stunt car, but RedBull gave it wiiings.
I nearly died laughing, I was so proud of him in that moment and really wanted to share the humor with some like minded folks. (I am a dad, just not his dad.) Anyone else find some truly inspired dad humor from unexpected places?
A little boy ran up to me shouting "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"
I ran over with him and saw two men going at it. I asked, "Which one is your dad?"
He said, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about!"
What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole, and works best when jerked?
A Seatbelt
Whats Trumps favorite garden.?
Kinder..
My husband asked me to show him my wild side.
So I opened Safari.
A recent survey revealed that 85% of Americans don't know how to do basic math.
Thankfully, I'm part of the other 25%.
Fact: The worlds longest drum solo was 13 hours and 26 minutes.
It was performed by a 5 year old little bastard on the back of my seat while flying from London to Singapore.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter
Irrelephant
Teacher: use contagious in a sentence
Me: I saw my neighbor painting her house with a toothbrush. I said: it will take this contagious to get it done.
How The Beastie Boys are making money with their 5 part Anthology?
Parts A to D are free... But you have to fight for your Right to Part E ...
Ive never owned a telescope in my life
but its something Ive considered looking into to!
Whats brown and sticky?
It's just a stick, guys!
Noah didnt allow any dinosaurs to get onboard.
He didnt want a Jurassic Arc.
Gig.I started a band called 1023MB. We still havent gotten a gig.
What happens when the fog lifts from Los Angeles?
UCLA
In a doctors office
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had....Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room..
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck.
Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
Whats the definition of a will?
come on guys its a dead giveaway!
I have an inferiority complex,
but it's not a very good one.
The nerve
According to my daughter's journal I'm controlling and don't respect her privacy.
I added my grandmother to my speed dial...
I named her Instagram
A man went to a fancy dress party with a woman on his back.The confused host said to the man "What have you come as?"
The man: "A turtle".
The host (even more confused) pointed to the woman and asked "And who is she?"
The man: "Oh that's Michelle"
If Adderall stops working temporarily,
Wouldn't that be called a glitch in the stimulation?
I asked my brother "how did you travel that far so fast , was it difficult?"
He replied "It was plane and simple"
A man in a bar was telling a woman how he worked in the early days of the personal home computer boom specializing in RAM.He made so much money he told her, he retired along with a lot of his colleagues after 10 years. 10 years after that they all got together for a reunion.
Thats so great, she said, how was the reunion?
Like a walk down memory lane, he said!
I called General Mills company to ask when my free rice, bran, and wheat cereals would arrive.
They assured me that the Chex were in the mail.