Unpoplar opinion: The Doors were a jamb band.
And they could really swing.

One of the unicorns on Noah's ark introduced himself to the other unicorn, "Hi, I'm Bob. What's your name?"
"Steve."

The inventors of the brochure have sadly passed away.
RIP Pam Flett and her husband, Lee.

Last night I tried to read the entire dictionary, but I didnt make it..
I got up to P

Did you hear about the priest who stapled his testicles together?
He figured if you can't beat them, join them.

Johann Sebastian Bach had 20 children.
No wonder he was Baroque.

What do you call a woman with a peanut allergy?
Anna Phylaxis

Which type of doctor is most available?
An on-call-ogist

When is the best time of day to do the dishes?
Dawn.

I used be an archaeologist, but I had to stop
My career was in ruins!

Whats a bakers favorite pair of shoes?
Loafers

My son showed me a picture of his new girlfriend
She was dressed in full hockey gear including pads, a mask, gloves and a blocker.

I said "congratulations. She looks like a keeper."

What did the soldier say when he was shot in the crotch?
Re-member me!

A woman proves she can take on heavy projects
A woman was tired of people acting like she didnt know how to do things around the house, so one day she decided she was going to prove she could handle a big project all on her own.

While her husband was at work, she decided shed paint a couple of rooms.

Later that afternoon, her husband came home and immediately smelled fresh paint.

He walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor, exhausted and dripping with sweat wearing a heavy parka over a leather jacket.

He rushed over. Are you okay?

She said, Im fine. I just wanted to prove I could do this myself.

He looked at her and asked, Honey why in the world are you wearing a jacket and a parka?

She pointed to the paint can and said:

Because the directions say: For best results, put on two coats.

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad!

Why did the airplane engine stop listening to the pilot?
It had thrust issues

I have a few jokes about unemployed people
but none of them work

What do you call 10% of a Jeep Grand Cherokee?
A Jeep Hundo Cherokee.

If you know any good fish puns
...please let minnow.

What do you call somebody that has no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.

My grandfather was quite sick. The medicines weren't working so we tried covering his back with lard.
After that he went downhill very quickly.

The cows are about to take over rulership over the earth.
It will be the beginning of a moo era!

What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk

A chicken was found dead in his coop.
He was a victim of fowl play

What musical artist only sings commercials?
Ad Sheeran