My doctor recommended a brain transplant.
At first I said no but then I changed my mind.

What happens, when you're naked in public and the elevator doesn't work?
You'll encounter stairs.

I'm never donating blood again! They ask way too many questions...
Who's blood is this? Where did it come from? Why is it in a bucket?!

What's the difference between a dad joke and an athletic rabbit?
One's a bit funny and the other is a fit bunny.

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...
"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

My wife says I insult cheese too much
But I dissabrie

My friend went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb with him
he just cant part with it!

When I play with my dog, he's always conflicted about wanting the ball to be thrown but also not giving up the ball...
It's a real Fetch 22.

Did you know Albert Einstein died from a blood clot in the brain?
It was a stroke of genius.

I've always thought of myself as a rather decent punster.
So I decided to submit ten of my best puns to a contest and see if any of them would garner a prize. Sadly...

No pun in ten did.

Ran my first 5km today
Got a personal best

Why shouldnt you sneeze in public?
Because people will turn to look Achoo

What do you call a swimming flamingo?
Flamboyant

Ive had my filling of dentists jokes
and optician jokes are even cornea

I found a record with no label the other day
When I played it, it was just numbers being called out in decending order

Thats when I realised it was the vinyl countdown

What's a car mechanics favorite type of math?
differential equations!

How different is beer from soda?
Barley.

I told my half-deaf friend I wanted to be a Tax Attorney.
And I was horrified to find out she got me roadkill.

Why does lettuce go to the gym a lot?
It was trying to get shredded

Did you hear about the guy who died when a periodic table fell on him?
The official cause of death was "exposure to the elements".

I am now referring to scrambled eggs as "Restless Egg Syndrome"
That is all.

I got laser eye surgery a week ago.
I'm asking for a refund.

I still can't shoot lasers out of my eyes.

My sons doctor called in a panic and exclaimed, You need to get to my office immediately! I have dire news. Very worried, I rushed over to find out what was so critical.
When I arrived, he explained, After a careful review of your sons charts, I believe that he wont grow past five feet tall. Im very sorry to have to deliver this bad news.

I asks, OK, but why was this such an emergency? Couldnt this meeting have waited a few days?

He answered, I thought you want to know now, although Im sorry about the short notice.

My grandmother's teeth were like the stars
They came out at night

Thank you to all the dad and dad-adjacent jokers!
My stepdad is in the ICU and unable to speak. Yesterday he was alert and we told him a joke. He laughed! So, thanks to the power of the internet and the good people in this subreddit, I was able to tell more and more jokes until he went back to resting.

This morning Im working on my second set :)