RIPIts with great sadness i have to announce the death of dad joke regular poster Gavin, who has passed away following a sudden and severe attack of indigestion.
The rumours are true......Gav is gone!
Somebody told me the clothes Im wearing are gay.
I was like, well yeah, they just came out of the closet this morning!
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle on my father's side, once removed.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day
teach a man to fish, he'll waste hundreds of dollars on equipment he'll only use a few times a year.
Why dont eggs tell jokes?
Theyd crack each other up.
My mother doesn't trust my father's secretary. I asked why
"I've seen her type before" she said.
A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbit walk intothe Red Cross to donate blood.
The nurse asks, do you know your blood type?
The rabbit says, i'm probably a Type O
My dad would never eat eggs Benedict at a restaurant because
Theres no place like home for the hollandaise.
What do you call an apprentice Jedi?
A wookie.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
nobody nose!
Why doesnt the photon carry luggage?
Because its traveling light.
I matched with a woman who had no arms or legs. For our first date, we agreed that I could pick her up at 8.
By the end of the night, my arms were exhausted.
What's the correlation between day old chili and ancient Egypt?
I don't really know, but I've heard they both have a toot in common.
What do you call four Muslim scholars
Fourmulla
When I was in college, I was president of the university fencing club.
I mentioned this to a friend, and he said, "Wow, I knew we had a crime problem on campus, but I didn't know it was that organized!"
It doesn't make sense for people to pirate music
Most sea shanties are in the public domain
Three animals walk into a bar, but only two get ID'd by the bouncer.
He was ignoring the elephant in the room.
What do you say when a hydra race is close as they approach the finish line?
They're neck and neck and neck and neck and neck and neck . . .
I just dropped my iPhone in the lake.
Now it's syncing.
Three men die in a car accident on Christmas EveThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something "Christmassy".
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
The third man answered "They're Carol's."
Why did the vampire buy the entire supply of cough drops?
Because he was coffin every day!
My friend Tony asked me not to spell his name backwards
I asked him y not
What do you call a whale with one side?
A Moby-us strip
What do you call a unicellular breakfast?Overnight prokaryOATS
(Prokaryote the biology term)
Circus MishapThe ringmaster lights a hoop on fire and tells the lion to jump through it, but the lion decides to stand on one hind leg instead!
Turns out it's just a flaming O