Just acquired an old record from 1955 full of "not for prudes" jokes. This was one of them.A young couple went to the carnival for a date. After riding the Scrambler the following exchange happened.
BF: Where you wanna go next, Honey?
GF: I wanna get weighed.
BF: How 'bout "The Whip?"
GF: No, I wanna get weighed.
BF: How 'bout the Tilt-a-Whirl?
GF: NO! I wanna get weighed.
BF: How 'bout the scenic railroad?
GF: NO!! I WANNA GET WEIGHED!
BF: Hey, there's a scale right over there...........107lbs............so, how 'bout the Ferris Wheel?
Later, BF noticing she's not happy, asks: What's the matter Honey, aren't you having a good time?
GF: No! Wousy!
Her : Do you smoke after sex?
Him : Don't know, I never looked down there
When my kids say, Im cold, I say,
Go stand in the corner. Its 90 degrees.
An old couple are vacationing in Madrid.
While checking into their hotel the old man has a heart attack and falls to the floor. The desk clerk leaps over the counter shouting, "Don't worry, I'm a Doctor!" She wips out a set of Diffibulator paddles out of her shinny black bag, zaps the old man and saves his life. The man and woman are stunned. The Old lady says, "I never would have thought you were a Doctor!" Don't worry states the desk clerk, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician!"
The perfect husbandThe Perfect Husband...
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: Hello
WOMAN: Honey, its me. Are you at the club?
MAN: Yes
WOMAN: Im at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?
MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2026 models. I saw one I really liked.
MAN: How much?
WOMAN: $195,000.
MAN: OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options.
WOMAN: Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. Theyre asking $5,950,000.
MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but you'd better offer $6,200,000.
WOMAN: OK. Ill see you later! I love you!
MAN: Bye, I love you, too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks, Anyone know whose phone this is?
If I had a penny for every time a girl didn't find me attractive..
I'd eventually have enough money that they would.
How did the construction crew know who stepped in the wet cement?
They had concrete evidence
A genie granted me one wish, so I wished to be happy.
Now I live with six dwarves and work in a mine.
3024 years from now will be really good or really bad.
It's 5050.
I had a terrifying experience last night, I was taking a bath and suddenly
I felt a tap on my shoulder
This morning I saw 2 big black birds stuck together in the backyard,
Turns out they were Velcrows.
My only plan for today is to get new glasses.
After that, I guess I'll see what happens.
I have taken up speed reading. I can read War and Peace in 20 seconds
It's only 3 words but it's a start
Two nuns
Are riding bikes down a cobblestone street. One says Ive never come this way. The other says Its the cobbles.
I have made some truly terrible jokes , but the worst ones...
are about German sausage.
What kind of bugs enjoy reading the dictionary?
Spelling bees
What do you call a baby Axolotl?
It's called an Axolitl
Why couldn't the emu make any friends?
Cause he was ostrich sized
My friend swears she can smell freshly baked Indian bread from a mile away
I told her thats naan scents.
The inventor of glue wrote an autobiography
Thats his story and hes sticking to it
A Weasel goes into a bar ..The bartender says, "Well I'll be darned, a real live actual Weasel in my bar! I've never served a Weasel before!! What'll you be having?"
"Pop!' goes the Weasel...
Why did the mountain goat get evicted from his penthouse apartment?
The rent was too steep.
What do you call a deer with perfect vision?
A good idea
Someone cut a hole in the wall of the ladies room...
The Police are looking into it!