My wife and I had been arguing about what color to paint our bedroomI wanted red, but she wanted white. We kept arguing to the point that we had to delay the project for days now.
This morning, she had to leave suddenly for an urgent business. She said she won't be back until tomorrow, so I decided to just go ahead and paint the bedroom. However, she expected that and hid all the brushes and rollers.
In my frustration, I decided to just use my hand directly. Little did I know that her urgent business was a lie. She had been hiding in the house and caught me red-handed.
Somebody told me the clothes Im wearing are gay.
I was like, well yeah, they just came out of the closet this morning!
Why was the broom late?
It overswept.
RIPIts with great sadness i have to announce the death of dad joke regular poster Gavin, who has passed away following a sudden and severe attack of indigestion.
The rumours are true......Gav is gone!
What do you call it when a stage actor becomes a spy?
Thespianage.
My father was a conjoined twin.
His brother was my uncle on my father's side, once removed.
What's blue but not as heavy?
Light blue.
I just dropped my iPhone in the lake.
Now it's syncing.
A man jumped from a bridge in France.
In Seine.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day
teach a man to fish, he'll waste hundreds of dollars on equipment he'll only use a few times a year.
Why dont eggs tell jokes?
Theyd crack each other up.
What do you call four Muslim scholars
Fourmulla
What do you call a cow on the edge of a cliff?
Legendary
My dad would never eat eggs Benedict at a restaurant because
Theres no place like home for the hollandaise.
My mother doesn't trust my father's secretary. I asked why
"I've seen her type before" she said.
What do you call an apprentice Jedi?
A wookie.
Told my friend my daughter is dressing up as a dinosaur for Christmas."Raptor?" he asked.
I said, "No, she's not a present."
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?
A poultrygeist
A priest, a Baptist minister and a rabbit walk intothe Red Cross to donate blood.
The nurse asks, do you know your blood type?
The rabbit says, i'm probably a Type O
I like when jokes about ballet are only kind of funny...
And not tutu funny.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
nobody nose!
Why doesnt the photon carry luggage?
Because its traveling light.
What do you call a single string of people picking up mozzarella?
A cheesy one-liner!
At dinner, I asked my date if there were any hobbies she wanted to get into. She said, Actually, there are quite a few, but first I want to learn ASL.
I said, Oh! 44/M/California.
They were as a brace of male bovines in different fields corresponding, writing wise tales of key life priciples to each other.
These were the a pastural epistles of the pair 'o bulls.