My wife is threatening to divorce me because I'm obsessed with Africa.
Kenya believe it?

I'd hate for her Togo and leave me...

What am I Guinea do now?

This is all so Sudan...

And we have kids, this is Ghana be hard for them

But you know what? She Congo to Hell.

Why can't JD Vance can't get pregnant?
He has a pull out couch.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

As it turns out, some kinds of bread are sworn to secrecy.
It's called a Naan disclosure agreement

After massive public outcry from users believing Alexa was listening on everything
Amazon has announced it will be releasing a male version, as it won't be listening to anything at all.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?
A barber queue

Every time I light my lighter, my lighter gets lighter...
...until my lighter gets so light it wont light.

Does sean connery like herbs?
Yes, but only partially

I had a girl in my class who was a bit of a show off and liked to dress in revealing clothing
Some called her unflattering things, but I think she was a model student.

Why is the owner of the new Buffalo NFL stadium so angry?
He has a lot of Bills to pay.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Triple Shot: What do you call a Fiat on top of a hill?
A miracle!

What do you call 2 Fiats on top of a hill? Science Fiction

What do you call 3 Fiats on top of a hill? A weird place to build a Fiat factory.

Coworker just got fired for throwing keycaps.
SHIFT hit the fan and it all went downhill from there.

I told my son I know the Spanish word for cheese
He responded - 'K so?

I tried to buy a bagel with cream cheese...
But they only accept cash.

If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says
Im looking for the man who shot my pa(w).

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?
Pretty nuts, right?

What do you call an alien with 3 balls?
An extraterrestical

Sesame Streets vampire has wandered away again.
Hes done it so many times, theyve lost Count.

Someone just rang my phone, sneezed, blew their nose, and hung up.
I hate cold callers!

To the person that stole my glasses...
I didn't see that coming!

Dont fall in love with your sink.
The relationship is just too draining.

Why can't a leopard hide?
Because they're always spotted!

My 5-year-old asked me why the sun goes down at night.
I told him its because the sun gets tired of watching him refuse to put his shoes on.
Hes been staring out the window for twenty minutes trying to apologize to the sky.