I was having a prostate exam and the Dr. told me to take my pants off
I asked, "Where should I put them?"

Dr replied, "Over there with mine"

Whoever came up with the term "dentures" missed the opportunity...
...to call them "substitooths".

What do you call a 7 with a flu?
Sick seven

What do you call a Mexican who hates protein powder?
No Whey Jose....

I tripped over a box of Kleenex and I thought I was terribly injured
Turns out it was just soft tissue damage.

What do you call a guy with a car on his head?
Jack

My wife panicked when our son swallowed the cake topper from his second birthday. I said, Babe, relax
this two shall pass.

Ask asked a group of French people if I could tell them a joke
One of them replied "mais oui"

I said "of course, but let me tell mine first"

My friends Ella and Sam are no fun
Every restaurant they go to together gets shut down

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no-eye-deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or penis? STILL-NO-FUCKIN-EYE-DEER

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."

The giraffe with the short neck felt very sad.
She just wanted to belong.

Just changed all the labels on my wifes spice rack.
She hasnt noticed yet but the thyme is cumin!

What do you call a man who's finished digging....
Doug

How does a Vietnamese person feel when they are served crappy ph?
Hanoied

All my kids pottery fell on the floor and smashed
I blame my shelf

Ive recently been trying to get my foot in the door of the elevator repair business.
Long story short, I now have a prosthetic leg.

I have a pen that can write underwater
It can write even more words, too!

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast ?
Because one egg is un uf for them

My sister and I always used to build snowmen together, but other than that, we didnt really get along.
Id say we had a frosty relationship.

Breaking news: thieves steal wheels off cop car!
Police are working tirelessly to nab suspects!

I like some primates more than others
Its a gibbon take!

Why dont bears wear shoes?
Because they prefer bear feet!

What do you call a fear of many overly complicated apartments in a group?
A complex complex complex!

British man
A British man was killed by a shark while honeymooning in Australia. Authorities say he didnt suffer for long as hed only been married for 5 days.